Meds

It's about that time for me to have a follow-up appointment with an endocrinologist on my hyperthyroidism treatment.

So today, I had a follow-up appointment at UMSC to discover the result of my blood work, taken the previous Friday.  Turns out, I'm back to being normal again.

My thyroid activity and hormone levels are now within normal levels and for the first time in two years, I'm finally off medication.  And that's crazy.

I'll be meeting with the endocrinologist in a couple of months to see my progress from there, so finger's crossed that I'll be fine.

I'm just really grateful for the help and support provided when I first had symptoms of it.  So here's to hoping that I can be off thyroid support for good.   But I'll need to be cautious too, as things can always teeter along with issues like these.

Sidenote, I'm slowly getting back to writing that book and perhaps, I'll get onto that Murder Mystery Party again...  eventually.

Oh, and the Euro 2016 Finals was shit.  I don't even want to go there.

Leisure Suite - Feist

Cider

It seems that my body isn't built to consume alcohol.

I had a Pear Cider (my first) this afternoon out of curiosity and boredom.  Don't get me wrong, it was pretty delicious, with the pear and fizz disguising the low alcohol content well.

However, an hour later I had experienced sudden weakness (like blood rushing away from my brain) and blocked hearing, with my ears simply ringing for what was the worst two minutes I had in a long time.

I slowly ascended the stairs to my bathroom while clutching firmly on the handrail, careful not to trip along the way, lifted the toilet seat cover and went on all fours preparing for a projectile vomit.  Thankfully (or not), it didn't come to be.  I lied with my back on the wall for a few minutes before full-functionality returned.

Football in the evening definitely exacerbated my condition, with my head throbbing as I put myself through various running drills and ball control courses.  Even now, my head is still hurting.  It has been seven hours now.

Some things aren't meant to be, I guess.

A Real Hero - Electric Youth

Puki

I will try to resist using harsh derogatory terms (see "hag", "cretin", et cetera) for this segment. Just know that it isn't nice.

To the old lady earlier,

How dare you show up at my grandaunt's funeral to just hog the food and stuff your shopping bag with leftovers? We, and certainly not I, need your false sympathy while my lovely grandaunt's casket is mere metres away from you.

I don't give two shits if you were from the same Methodist Church my grandaunt was in. I don't give a fuck if you, by some chance, knew one of the distant relatives to the deceased. Don't you fucking dare show up at a funeral parlour just to feed off someone else's grief.

Plus, you have the petty gall to ask for a ride home after walking all the way to the wake? Moreover, you had slagged off two ladies earlier for being selfish in refusing to give you a lift?

You know the way back, so bloody sod off. Clearly you were in proper shape to capitalise on someone else's loss, so use those goddamn legs God had blessed you with. The fact that today is the start of Eid Mubarak takes the cake.

This is the exact reason why I forsake my own culture. The manipulative, selfish, rotten behaviors which are slowly driving my nation to the ground. It's a pisstake to the honest, loving people who have met such a tragedy in an inopportune time.

I am absolutely fuming right now. And let it be crystal clear that I will fucking destroy anyone who dares take advantage of my family. You have my word on that.

posted from Bloggeroid

Redirect

I haven't been blogging much as I've prioritised self-flagellation in my spare time, obviously.

By that I mean putting myself through football-and-podcasts masochism every day.

Last weekend I had met up with secondary school tuition mates, whom I've not seen in over five years. And it's crazy to see how easy one can fall out of touch with friends. Still, it is a joy to be able to recollect odd memories and catch up on so much lost time.

Sadly I'm only writing today as a means to cope. Being Raya break, it was initially planned for me to visit my mom's side at Ipoh this Wednesday. Unfortunately those plans have changed since lunchtime today as my grandaunt had passed away.

And here's the problem: I feel eerily indifferent. Maybe it's because I'm at work and need to pull it together, or maybe I'm in "resistance phase" and will only feel it later after work, or maybe I have been waiting for this for long enough that it just doesn't surprise me anymore.

For the latter statement, I say that because her health has been rapidly deteriorating since my return last December. It has been 8 months and her condition will only continue to worsen with age. So yeah, maybe I've made my peace and spent every goodbye with her knowing that it could be my last, and maybe that's why her eventual passing came and went without me regretting much.

I don't know. And for the next 4 hours at work, I can't know how to feel. I'm the only member of senior management in my department at work and need to exhibit proper leadership.

I'm getting too good at compartmentalizing my emotions. To feel less seems rather... Bad to me and it is beginning to scare me. Have I lost some sense of empathy? Or worse, do I not care enough?

Here's what I do know: I'll miss her. I'm going to play football later or jog or something to forget about the world for a while. Then, I'll cry. My family will cry. And I have the week off for Raya break so that will be some time to reflect on these feelings and thoughts.

Until then, I guess I'm a sociopath.

posted from Bloggeroid

Four

Haven't been writing on this blog lately, due to the increasing workload at work and the respective stress relieving session due to them.

Just a brief recap of the past two, three weeks :

1) Cousin got married, so good on him! Managed to meet the family after 5 years and it was great to be able to rekindle my relationship with my other cousins, since I have made strides since the shy teenager back then.

2) Watched a movie alone for the first time. Wasn't great, the movie (X-Men: Apocalypse) but I needed the entertainment. And it was an interesting feeling, doing things alone. It felt somewhat liberating, even at the expense of my dwindling social circle.

3) Speaking of which, made a good friend at work and she's pretty nice, and cute, and slightly clumsy, which are charming traits. Plus she has a boyfriend, so that helps to keep me grounded.

4) Also along those lines, met a Product Specialist from one of our suppliers about their new catalogue and she's pretty cute as well. Didn't make any moves because... Well that's pretty creepy and not to mention, very unprofessional. Me and my problems.

5) Fasted with Sabrina as she was free for dinner on the weekday. She was nice enough to drive over here to dine with me. We had cheeky Nando's, which isn't as spicy as I thought it was.

6) Having more doubts about work, due to increasingly unrealistic expectations and an expanding range of products, which leads to an absurd amount of work that needs to be done (on top of the current workload). We'll have to see how will I cope with this. I'm not optimistic.

7) Finally jogged after 3 weeks of picking football over it. And I finally managed to do 4 km continuously, albeit at a slower time. Will need to start watching my calorie consumption if I'm ever gonna lose tummy fat. I can see some stretch marks on my thighs, which is encouraging (and downright gross).

8) And I've been lacking sleep these past weeks. Because I can't seem to worry less because of said stressful work and my never-failing shotgun thought process.

posted from Bloggeroid

Fork

Recently I've been berating my job because of the stress and unnecessary hoops I've to jump through. On three occasions have I contemplated resignation, and I've barely been there for three months. It's a vicious cycle of being unable to deliver on expectations and yet, not having the training or guidance to meet those expectations.

Went things go well (meaning that we detect no problems in our products), things can be smooth-sailing. However, when things oddly go bad (I've seen two so far), my boss quickly rears her head and gives everyone hell. That's what bums me, because the team gets unnerved as a result and her hairdryer treatment seldom yields positive results as she tends to just accuse others of incompetence than to provide constructive criticism.

But after meeting with my mother's extended family over the weekend, I can see how proud and excited they are for my recent occupation. It's slowly growing on me that I've been recognised to be a competent adult and maybe that's just the push I need to soldier on with this position. It really depends on how the week starts, especially since my colleague is on leave for the week.

Also, one of my key team players had handed me his resignation letter just before I got off work today. I can't seem to shake the idea that my lack of strong leadership through challenges played a part in his decision. I dread finding someone to replace him.

Final note, I played my first football game with the kids in my new community. Albeit I had only played for half an hour, I found myself overrunning dribbles and misplacing simple passes. One kid even called me an uncle. I'll show that runt when I return to the pitch tomorrow.

Just kidding. I'll probably get schooled. But hey, at least I get to assume the eventual role of player/coach when I get to know them better. Plus it's a good excuse to get back to peak fitness levels.

posted from Bloggeroid

See

Beneath your complex nature,
Winding passages and snaking stairwells,
I see you.

Past the awesome masks,
(un)forced smiles,
The personal facades.

Past the rotating mirrors,
Occasionally reflecting outward,
The world you deny insight to.

I see you,
Or what I perceive to be you,
Misdirection is your art anyway.

And it's beautiful.
Formless, shapeless, malleable,
Versatile when needed to be.

Don't take this as admiration,
Nor praise,
Nor confession.

Simply know that you're not alone,
For I relate to the layered responses.
Hopefully, you see past my facade too.

posted from Bloggeroid