Peering

It seems that as I age, I begin to act with less shame in mind.  Sure it may open new doors, but old ones close as well.  The good doors, sometimes.

In an effort to understand one's back-story, their pain, their sadness, their anger, I've peered too deep into their lives...  I didn't intend for this to happen, but the more I dug, the more I wanted to understand him/her.  Not knowing hurt more than hearing about their troubles, having to nod and listen but not having a clue of its origin, it was the itch I couldn't scratch.  And I needed to sooth the itch before I bleed.  Before I knew it, I was near the point of uncovering secrets.

Secrets are meant to be kept that way, a secret.

As a result, I violated our unspoken boundaries of friendship.  I violated his/her life. I violated our trust.  I invoked the anger I hoped to prevent.  I'm not proud to say this, but I broke rules.

Some rules aren't meant to be broken.

Here I sit, in my stool, as I unknowingly forge a throne of thorns.  I've severed a good, promising friendship and left it dangling by the threads.  And as every fiber slowly spins into its breaking point, I'm left with a losing dilemma: savor what's left and walk away, or try to reach the other end of the string and pray that it doesn't snap.

I am a violator.  I damn well deserved to be punished by my own hands, let alone someone else's tongue.  

Nothing Else Matters - Metallica

Harsh

I have harsh opinions,

because I strip away emotions,

like the flesh from bone,

left discarded until I need some patching up.

The pain's searing,

but lesser than that,

of disappointment and stabs,

down the chest,

below the left lung.

I then reclaim my heart,

and the emotions flood back,

like an engulfing mold,

creeping across the precipice.

Regret returns,

rage returns,

pain returns,

logic leaves,

the damage is done.

Person apologizes,

but personal philosophy,

refuses to take it back.

Thus a legacy remains,

of a crown of thorns,

a self-proclaimed king,

but their sheep leads his lions.

And his cubs,

he prays they stumble upon these,

and not mourn behind stone pallets,

but nod in silence instead.

Blurred Lines - Robin Thicke ft. Pharrel

Chicago

The 4th of July represents the Independence Day for the United States.  Thus, Gordon grabbed Yen Fei and I along for a 6-man vacation to Chicago, Illinois to witness firsthand how it was celebrated there.

So the 6-hour roadtrip resulted in a overexposure of Gordon, Yen Fei, and my personal stories.  Hearing theirs, which were rather saddening and moving, filled with trials, makes me feel like I'm a sucky person.  I mean, I've always had it easy and I guess as much as they will not want my sympathy, I can't help but feel sad for the situation.  It was also rather therapeutic to just lay it all out for friends to listen to your story, sort of like a coming clean scenario.  

The drive back from Illinois was more personal though, as they talked about their intimate relationships and how they think their partner should be treated, touching on stuff mainly from second base.  Honestly, I felt extremely exposed and awkward during that time.  I guess I wasn't used to discussing about these issues, like how to kiss a lover and things along those lines.  But those two weren't flaunting or boasting; it was just a healthy discussion on personal matters.  Moreover, I guess I was a bit sad at that moment as I've yet to have those emotions, to experience that moment.  Sigh... the hopeless/ hopeful romantic in me.  I suppose that I'll need more time to get accustomed to that topic, but I respect whatever they said.

In fact, the talks made me feel more invigorated.  I've gotten more determined to find that special someone, and I have grown significantly wiser from the roadtrip.  Simply put:

"Epiphanies in contact.  This resolve is made from being broken!"

I'll upload some pictures once Leo gets them up, as he had good shots on his camera.  My phone, not so much.

Farewell, for now.

With a Little Help from My Friends - Jim Sturgess

Reform

Lately, I've had my first taste of a "bad day at the office".  I basically messed up so many things for the day, which had rather detrimental consequences if not for a good boss with a fallback plan.  Granted I wasn't the only one to work on the project (I had another friend), it did give us a better idea of how a Food Safety Research Lab is ran, albeit through the school of hard knocks.  I best keep my head down and dig deep!  That being said, work is still great and the experienced gained thus far has been much obliged.

The trio of Yen Fei, Yan Yao and I finally got together for dinner, after many months of delays and roadblocks.  Our initial plan was to gorge our faces in the awesomeness of which is Hickory Park, however the increasingly heavy rain got us a fifth of the way there (we had to travel there by foot from the bus stop).  With my head nearly drenched in rainwater, we opted for Texas Roadhouse instead.  Dinner with my two besties was great!  It's been only a few months, but the company was much appreciated and vaguely inexpressible.

As always, we had so many stories to share since our last get-together a few weeks back.  Yen Fei ranted, I ranted less, Yan Yao basically slobbed around with his Borderlands 2 addiction.  Of course, some of those stories were more personal.  And Yen Fei's account with her ex (the problematic douche) got me thinking about Joyce again.  So instinctively, I checked her Facebook wall (because how else can I not be a creep?  Yes, sarcasm aplenty).  Scrolling down her page, I felt a long forgotten sense of pain.  It honestly felt like my heart hurt, though only for a while.

But it wasn't out of spite or anger, or anything negative at all.  I think my heart hurts as of now because I miss her being my friend...

Silver lining, maybe?  I don't even know why I'm typing this as it sounds a little redundant...  Perhaps I just needed an outlet of expression.  

But I'm glad for feeling that.  Goes to show that I'm not a robot I still think about stuff outside of The States.  Awareness is a start.

Fading Listening - Shiny Toy Guns

Summer

I hope all is well!  I've been rather busy of late, having to work from 9 am until 4 pm during the weekdays.  It's tiring stuff, so I do apologize for not writing any sooner.  That, and blogging for ISC while working sporadically on the Insanity Workout while keeping track of my TV shows and manga, plus being hooked on Football Manager 2013...

At the moment, I'm working at the Meats Lab here in Iowa State as a lab assistant in the Food Science Research Lab, regarding food quality testing.  The majority of projects we work on are given by the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA), which is rather exciting.  Besides the professor in charge, I get to work with three other undergraduate students and a graduate student, so work isn't lonely at all.  

Granted the first week of work involved mere inventory checks and paperwork (which is a bore...), I'm beginning to get into the lab-part of things now.  Recently I've worked on testing food samples for presence of E.coli and Listeria monocytogenes, which are common foodborne pathogens.  Other notable organisms tested were Salmonella enteriditis and Yersinia entericoccus.  Although this job isn't related to my intended career path in the clinical field of Microbiology, the experience gained thus far has been very rewarding nevertheless.

Getting to use fancy equipment like selective growth media, and PCR (Polymerase Chain Reaction) machine, which splices and amplifies DNA, is a really rewarding experience.  I can't wait to see what other projects are in-store.  I'm super stoked!

On the other hand, I had recently bought a TV from a graduating friend of mine.  It's a super nice 42" full HD TV, and my prospective housemates are extremely happy too.  It is however, currently sitting at another friend's place as I have no space to store it.  So he gets to test it out and enjoy watching cable for a while!!

Also, I've asked Justin (who's in Malaysia at the moment) to get a full-sized Jalur Gemilang flag, with the intention of draping it over the living room in our apartment.  Hopefully we can spruce up the apartment more once he returns in the Fall.

That's it from me thus far.  Take good care, peeps!

Chocolate - The 1975

Risk

The ISC Grad Reception went great!  I'll admit that I was incredibly nervous while starting the speech, making some pronunciation errors here and there.  But as I went on with the speech, it got easier as the anxiety went away.  By the time I ended my speech, Dr. Hill was already shaking his head and pointing his finger, not in disbelief, but in gratefulness.  As he walked up to the podium, he shook my hand with a large smile on his face, saying that it was "the best introductory speech he's heard in years" and that I "should introduce him more often".  Coming from one of the most iconic members of ISU in recent years, not to mention being a former Olympic Gold Medalist in Hurdles, I was incredibly honored.  Even after the event, the Director of International Students and Scholars, James Dorsett came up to me to personally send his regards on the speech.  That was very touching for me, and I owe it to Onalie, Kanchana, and Latif for their encouragement and faith in me.

Also, I just got my babies in and broke them in yesterday.  They're the Nike CTR360 Trequartista III FG, the second-grade knockdown version of the Nike CTR360 III Series.

Hoping that after another couple of games that it'll be more comfortable on me.  I was surprised by how rigid the heel counter was, but then again this was my first pair of football boots since I was 11 years of age.  Moreover, my previous pair of boots had blades which were focused more on speed than traction.  This pair of boots had wide, rounded studs for better traction and turning rather than pace.  The synthetic leather (Kanga-Lite) feels great when controlling the ball, and the pass pads (which are more like grooves) makes instep trapping to be more effective, though only marginal.  It'll take some getting used to due to the structure of the instep.  That being said, the passing panels give an increased curve to the ball due to increased contact with the ball.  I seemed to be more comfortable in possession and my distribution was better, having the option to swerve the ball past the defense rather than lobbing it through.

It felt really different running on the pitch too, having an actual pair of boots which makes your legs feel a lot heavier compared to wearing indoor futsal shoes.  Even my playing style had to change, as I felt more inclined to pass the ball rather than to simply take on opponents with raw pace.  That was a positive change in playing style, as I can be selfish on the ball at times.  I believe that this boots are worth every buck of my paycheck although I've only used them once.

I'm super stoked to play more games this Summer!

Today I played touch football with some of the Malaysians and one thing's for certain: plays make all the difference.  My team lost by 2 touchdowns due to our inability to conjure an effective offensive play.  We were sound defensively, with me being the annoying guy whose sole purpose on the field is to rough the quarterback up.  That was fun, albeit my size, due to the 5 second rule before the quarterback can be tackled.  However, as a linebacker I got mauled instead!

It's 2.27 am now and I recently got back from Todd Drive after dinner at Hickory Park, and a almost-2-hour Risk game with 5 other players.  In the end, it was an army of 6 units holding off Indonesia against a 30-strong army from Siam.  Oh well, second place is much welcomed since I was struggling during early parts of the game.  It's my first time completing a game of Risk, so that was cool.  That's all from me today!  See ya.

Muscle Museum (Cover) - Vitamin String Quartet

Suspension

Two months of crazy stress and of recent news, crap grades.  I know I've acknowledge how hard is was to implement a part of my life into this blog, but as I grow older, it's get tougher to commit myself to this cause.  I am a bit under the weather today as well, so I apologize.

I've screwed up my grades, bombing 2 finals already and I'm still awaiting the results of the other 3 courses.  So far, my grades stand at a B and a C+.  The latter was what got to me as I've worked hard (but inconsistently) and although I felt good leaving the exam room, the results said otherwise.  That was a massive kick in the teeth.  I should know of my full disappointment by Friday.

On a happier note, I'm moving out of my dorm today.  It had been a crazy 7-8 months with the hallmates.  Some were great, most of them, not so great.  But I learned many valuable lessons along the way, as well as acclimating myself with the culture of the people here.  

In two weeks time, I'll start my first Summer life here in Ames, where I'll be working as a Teaching Assistant for Micro 302 Lab as well as being a lab assistant at the Meats Laboratory, conducting quality tests for food samples.  It's looking to be a crazy Summer already, plus I'll be taking a Summer course during the start of June (Summer's split into two sessions).  Many friends will be heading home, but there's still the awesome peeps who are staying back.  I'm already thinking of LAN parties galore and lots of cooking, definitely.

On a brighter note, I recently placed an order for a pair of football boots (or soccer cleats) for outdoor football.  They should be coming in a few hours from now.  I'll definitely be posting photos on my baby once I get them.  They're the Nike CTR360 Trequartista III FG, basically the second grade football boots, with the Citurs/Black color scheme.  So stoked for them, and I hope it will be the remedy for my finals depression.

Tracking back on the past two months, we had VEISHEA week at Iowa State.  It's the biggest event to happen in ISU and is the culmination of all things Iowa State-related.  I was the VEISHEA Parade Coordinator for ISC, having a parade entry with many different multicultural student organizations such as the Bollywood Dance Club, the Indian Students Association, the AMSISU (the Malaysians), Guang Hwa Lion Dance, etc.  I don't have much time to post photos, but the links below will have all the photos taken that day.  I also helped out for the VEISHEA International Food Fair, where the Malaysians had sold Onde-Onde and Egg Tarts.  Those were just divine...

Well, that's all from me for today.  I gotta head out soon to drop my stuff at Yan Yao's place as I'll be staying with him throughout Summer.  Will definitely have another blog post soon regarding tomorrow's ISC Grad Reception.  I'll be giving an introductory speech for the Vice President of Student Affairs and that will be interesting.  See you soon!

Get Free - Major Lazer ft. Amber of Dirty Projects