Churned

... and there will be moments of loss,

moments of brief sparks,

but ultimately moments of a pleasing effort.

The entirety of fragments on a thread,

manages to meld into a single period in life,

where you feel everything,

and subsequently, nothing.

That all the churns of your gut,

fail to make a lasting image.

Or that haste led to waste,

that impatience was mistaken for decisiveness.

Alas the fantasies of a growing boy,

Ever intending to emulate the great Icarus.

Perhaps intentionally galloping into impending deceit,

behind waxed intents and goals.

 Gotham's Reckoning - Hans Zimmer

Rationality

Taken from a friend's tumblr page, of something she re-posted

I once dated a writer and

Writers are forgetful,

but they remember everything.

They forget appointments and anniversaries,

but remember what you wore,

how you smelled,

on your first date...

They remember every story you've ever told them - like ever,

but forget what you've just said.

They don't remember to water the plants

or take out the trash,

but they don't forget how

to make you laugh.

Writers are forgetful

because

they're busy

remembering

the important things.

I think about it and say:  "Yeah.  That's me.".  If only (always with the "if"s) someone appreciated that.  That being said, I've spoken my mind and she didn't feel the same way.  I clearly understood that, I sincerely do;  we didn't spend enough time knowing each other and I didn't leave a good enough impression.  Ultimately the lack of time squeezed the confession out of me, albeit that I had to tell her; I didn't want to.  bottle it up and bring the lingering thoughts with me when I leave.  But I've no regrets, and hopefully she'd be alright too.  Funny how my rationale works.


Here's the link to the actual post.  Credit is all due to her.

Of Heights and Hollows


I'll do a write-up on the Bukit Tabur Hike soon, once all the pictures are uploaded.

Sleazy Bed Track - The Bluetones

Bottlenecked

I want to engage in the complexities that lie before me, however it is all too premature.

Let It Die - Feist

Stopper

I'm one individual who manages my stress levels by bottling up all that anger, and either slowly releasing it gradually, or letting it all blow up on one go.  The latter happens more often, always to adverse consequences.  Today, my mom dragged (okay, "dragged" seems harsher than needed, "brought" then) me to Digital Mall to get my laptop's RAM increased from 4 GB to 8 GB.

When we were there, she mentioned that she'll let me "do the talking" and see how I "approach and inquire on things".  So I asked questions nervously, but getting to the point eventually.  And then she butted in.  Okay, I'll admit.  My brain's foggy as I just took a nap before heading out to Digital Mall, and that my stress levels were pretty high since finals was next week.  But if there's one thing my mom and I equally hate, is that we really dislike being interrupted.  And she was hinting to me that I'm forgetting something, but upon asking, doesn't tell me what.  So in the swirl of my inner confusion and irritation, I snapped.  The rest of our trip just went to shit.  Utter, non-verbal, despairing shit.

I hate getting mad, moreover at my parents.  And I need a better way to manage my stress levels.  This time round was more of bad luck and wrong timing, I assure you.  I'm going to apologize to her later and vent some anger out so that I can study.  That's all for now.

Black Sheep - The Metric

Otiose

I have nothing to add but this:

And that includes you, of whom I am extremely sorry for should anything go south in the next few days.

Bolero - Marta Gomez

DABDA

Looking back at the past month or so, I think my emotional breakdown is officially over.  So pardon me for whelping like the teenage boy I was.  And I'm beginning to learn about this "Five Stages of Grief" thing.  Human psychology is fuuuun to learn, but it's bittersweet when you can apply them on yourself.  Regardless, knowledge is knowledge.  Below's the link.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model

Fallin' Out - Body Language

Letting

My mom sent me a text message earlier today regarding whether I wanted a 500 GB harddrive or a 1 TB one and I forgot to reply her message.  So she went ahead to get me the one with the larger storage space.  I felt bad for that.  Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for the gear to get me through life overseas.  But I didn't think I'd need the 1 TB storage; 500 GB was more than enough.  And that's what keeps bothering me now.  That one message led to this, and I don't want my parents to spend so much on me.  It makes me feel as though I'm leeching off them and giving nothing in return.

And as of now, there's a large pit in my stomach full of guilt and regret.  This may be a small thing to some, when you compare them to getting a car, or a house or whatever, but it still counts to me.

Sigh.

You're All I Have - Snow Patrol