I guess, no, I realised that I'll never ever have the chance to see your face again. There was so much, SO MUCH I could've learned and shared with you... but now it seems there's nothing that's seems enough to give from my hand to yours no more. We could have forged stronger bonds, have better laughs, share the world together. But no more, no more... I'll still remember your face, but the real question is, for how long? How long till I consume myself in self-pursuit until I forget about what life's about? By then, self-pursuit will devour me whole and there will be no one to pull me back, to preach me anymore.
You touched so many of our hearts, even in the smallest of ways it seems colossal. The last time we met, I remembered that you were lying on the bed, holding my hand but barely knowing my name. When I was about to leave the room, I heard you mutter "Fang Hao, that's your name, right?" I stood there, touched. All these years, all your pain, and you still recalled my name in the end. I was so overwhelmed that I just smiled and waved, I didn't even kiss you goodbye, or hug you and just like that, I foolishly left. Why must fate make it like this? The guilt of not having to say goodbye and never having the chance to say it again... The guilt that embeds itself in my heart, until it stops beating.
Should I be happy that God ended your pain and suffering, or hate Him for starting the pain in our hearts. I'm sure He has plans and good intentions for all of us, but it seems a little too much and hard for me to swallow. Even now, tears keep flowing from my eyes... My heart won't stop aching... This hurts so badly... Beyond words or blades, no comparison...
We all love you, I'm sure we do, till the very end of time. We'll love you till the last tear of the world dries. Even now the world cries in grief, and yet I sit here in front of the computer, powerless, hopeless, alone... Enough about me, this post is dedicated to you, and only to you.
You may not have the opportunity to read this, that doesn't matter. I just want to say that I love you, and God bless you, wherever you are... I'll forever pray for you...
You touched so many of our hearts, even in the smallest of ways it seems colossal. The last time we met, I remembered that you were lying on the bed, holding my hand but barely knowing my name. When I was about to leave the room, I heard you mutter "Fang Hao, that's your name, right?" I stood there, touched. All these years, all your pain, and you still recalled my name in the end. I was so overwhelmed that I just smiled and waved, I didn't even kiss you goodbye, or hug you and just like that, I foolishly left. Why must fate make it like this? The guilt of not having to say goodbye and never having the chance to say it again... The guilt that embeds itself in my heart, until it stops beating.
Should I be happy that God ended your pain and suffering, or hate Him for starting the pain in our hearts. I'm sure He has plans and good intentions for all of us, but it seems a little too much and hard for me to swallow. Even now, tears keep flowing from my eyes... My heart won't stop aching... This hurts so badly... Beyond words or blades, no comparison...
We all love you, I'm sure we do, till the very end of time. We'll love you till the last tear of the world dries. Even now the world cries in grief, and yet I sit here in front of the computer, powerless, hopeless, alone... Enough about me, this post is dedicated to you, and only to you.
You may not have the opportunity to read this, that doesn't matter. I just want to say that I love you, and God bless you, wherever you are... I'll forever pray for you...
Love,
your grandnephew,
Lim Fang Hao
In memory of a grand aunt to a boy, who's trying to grow to be the man he soughts everyday to be...
