Review

I suck at coming up with novel ideas for year-end review (nor do I catalog/recollect events that well).  So, I am (again) stealing Yan Chee's idea, which was stolen off Tumblr.  Yep.

It's a song-list of sorts, and I'll try to include new songs from this year and how I stumbled upon them, because life's odd discoveries are charming.

1:A song you like with a color in the title
Red & White & Blue & Gold - Aoife O'Donovan 
Taken off one of Obama's Spotify playlists (they're as classy as the man is)

2:A song you like with a number in the title
One Last Time - Ariana Grande
One of the her songs which I actually really like, plus it took a whole new meaning after the Manchester bombing, days before her concert

3:A song that reminds you of summertime
Yo Voy Ganao - Systema Solar
FIFA 18's story mode opens with you,the main character playing a 3-on-3 futsal match, in the middle of a Brazilian favela.  The best thing from an otherwise unchanged (and thus uninspiring) video game franchise.

4:A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about
Supercut - Lorde
Holding onto the best of memories, as my willing haunt (...too real?)

5:A song that needs to be played LOUD:
The Less I Know The Better - Tame Impala
Funky bass licks, some electronica and a head-bopping goodness.

6:A song that makes you want to dance (disclaimer, I've SO many songs for this spot):
Dessert - Dawin
Spotify listed this as my most played song.  Gotta hold my hand up.

7:A song to drive to:
Slide - Calvin Harris, Frank Ocean, Migos
Arguably the summer tune to play when travelling anywhere 

8:A song about drugs or alcohol
Brandy (You're a Fine Girl) - Looking Glass
Well, it's about a girl, who pours whisky down, end of.  Also, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 opener.

9:A song that makes you happy
Birds and the Bees - Dwilly feat. Kyle Thornton
Upbeat Jazz tune recommended by BFM's Take Five music segment.

10:A song that makes you sad
Un anno d'amore (C'est irreparable) - Mina
Of torn dualities, and Master of None Season 2 making me feel too much, for a comedy show.

11:A song that you never get tired of
Good Girls - LANY
A bit of 80s good dance influence, with a catchy tune.

12:A song from your preteen years
I'm Not Okay (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance
Self-explanatory.

13:One of your favorite 80’s songs (had to cheat for this one)
Under Pressure - Queen & David Bowie
Always played after a long day at work.  I blame it on Scrubs.

14:A song that you would love played at your wedding
I Found My Everything - Mary J. Blige
I blame the lovely Obamas.  Another one from their playlist.

15:A song that is a cover by another artist
Never Gonna Give You Up - Scott Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox
YOU JUST GOT RICK-ROLLED!  Side note, Postmodern Jukebox is awesome.

16:One of your favorite classical songs:
Variations On Canon - Kyle Landry
Something more current, and self-explanatory.

17:A song that you would sing a duet with on karaoke:
Perfect - Ed Sheeran
Seriously, who doesn't love perpetually-drunk Rupert Grint?  Jokes.  You're great, Ed.

18:A song from the year that you were born (had to cheat for this one, too)
I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) - Meatloaf
Too real.

19:A song that makes you think about life
Sign of the Times - Harry Styles
One of my surprise albums of the year (because it's gooooood).

20:A song that has many meanings to you
China (The Industrial Era) - Geoff Knorr
To the most complete video game/boardgame mix, Sid Meier's Civilization VI.

21:A favorite song with a person’s name in the title
Kanye (Louis The Child Remix) - The Chainsmokers, sirenXX
Yep.  None of that ramble-laden songs with words that conveniently rhyme with one another (I'm looking at you, Closer feat. Halsey).

22:A song that moves you forward
Places to Go - Yuna
Place to see, people to meet, stories to remember.

23:A song that you think everybody should listen to
Something About Us - Balance & The Travelling Sounds
Yeah.  Daft Punk actually had meaningful lyrics in their incredible Discovery album.

24:A song by a band you wish were still together
If I Didn't Know Better (Live at Eddie's Attic) - The Civil Wars
A raw, and powerful performance from the duet.

25:A song by an artist no longer living
Mr. Magic (Through The Smoke) - Amy Winehouse
Misunderstood and under-appreciated for her time.  Such a loss.

26:A song that makes you want to fall in love
Dying to Start Again - Lovelife
... Yep.

27:A song that breaks your heart
How Do You Mend a Broken Heart - Al Green 
Thanks, Obama.

28:A song by an artist with a voice that you love
New York City - Lenny Kravitz
He's just oozing with cool.

29:A song that you like from a TV show
Main Theme - Mr. Robot 
*cue Techno thriller music*.

30:A song that reminds you of yourself
Crave You - Giselle, Flight Facilities
Daniella Andrade does a good cover, too.

So many songs, not enough questions.

Whim

I can't do with spontaneity most of the time: it's inefficient. It seldom works. It wastes my time.

I can't afford unnecessary things.

I micromanage my weekends and off-days because that's all the time I can afford to be in the company and service of others. It's my commitment to myself, and to my friends that I'm engaged with them at the present moment.

If I'm not fully engaged, or if that allocation goes to waste, then it's a non-refundable block of time I could have shared with someone else.

Maybe I just don't like the lack of thought put into ideas. That "being spontaneous" is an excuse to churn out half-baked, non-committal promises that one day, a poorly thought-out plan can actually work.

Until that day, I'm going to assume all (your) off-the-cuff plans suck. Especially if you had done absolutely zero research on the very thing you want to do.

posted from Bloggeroid

Panda

Hey... so... kinda a bit of a ramble here because it's slightly controversial.

I think Pandas, as cute as they are, should just not be bothered with.

Yeah, they're adorable.  Yes, it's a protected animal. 

But hear me out, those things are now so far detached from the wilderness that it's domesticated.  It's no more than a house cat.

They're so clumsy, so expensive to take care of, and demand such a specific (and energy-inefficient) diet of bamboo shoots that it's a far cry from what you would normally define as a bear.

If you put them out in the wilderness, they will perish.  And hey, we should save cost and leave them to die.  They have nothing to contribute to civilization aside from being a unique token animal.

There.  That's my two cents.  Come at me.

Sidenote, I'm 2/3 of the way to finishing my Sidisi, Brood Tyrant Commander deck for Magic: The Gathering (yeah, geeky me), so that's exciting.

Also, I got a book over the Big Bad Wolf book sale so hopefully I'll read it.

Oh, and I should really, really either complete the plethora of my video games, or finish editing my book. 

Aguanile - Marc Anthony

Dreams

So... I went on my first date last weekend. That's... Mind-boggling. But anyway, it was not meant to be since there was a blatant lack of chemistry.

Either way, she was leaving for East Malaysia for good in a month's time so it wasn't a viable situation.

And as Sabr aptly puts it, I'm a lover boy: constantly swooning over someone else, usually out of reach (for a killer combo of logistical and emotional reasons).

So until the next date (whenever that may be), I guess I'm an acquaintance or a friend. And nothing more.

It's pretty frustrating to be a realist while still succumbing to the delusions of naive love.

For my wellbeing, I should stop dreaming of you. It's also concerning that I said "should" instead of "need to".

posted from Bloggeroid

Frayed

I had a sudden urge to run. This upcoming company audit has made work extra shitty this week and I needed to distract myself.

And so I laced up, added the most bass-driven hip-hop/rap tunes I could think of to my running playlist, and took off. I didn't even bother timing myself.

What a fuck up that was.

Ten minutes. That's how long I lasted before the music melted away and the floodgates in my mind broke open.

My mind was finally unbound, ideas burgeoning without restraint, now inexorable because I had broken the lock.

I couldn't stop. Thoughts swirled in my head as though my body was a husk with someone else piloting it, racing through my personal psychoanalysis of recent dreams, to my dating life, to my floundering career, whelming my mind as I realized the horrors of what I have locked up.

I never thought that video games and TV shows had such a profound effect in limiting my mental capacity to conjure up all these notions. Escapism has its merits, but isn't this all just illusionary? How long can I stanch this stream of consciousness with pop culture references and in-game micro-management?

Running didn't take my mind off my problems as much as it revealed the real issues buried deeper within me.

Oh, no.

It had only compensated my physical wellbeing for my mental health.

posted from Bloggeroid

(Un)fazed

The resistance period is waning. I feel the adrenaline starting to lose effect, as a wave of exhaustion sweeps by.

This facade of a stoic, calm and collected 24-year old grandson is falling apart.

My maternal grandmother was recently admitted to the hospital for a minor stroke. She's back at home now, but the left side of her face is partially paralysed and her speech is slurred.

She's been doing some regular physiotherapy by walking with a stroller to and fro the toilet, but she needs a feeding tube to make sure food doesn't enter her windpipe instead.

At least she still has her sense of humour. I still have my grandmother, as selfish as that sounds.

My dad's still cracking jokes with grandma, as he rained glowing reviews while she worked on her physiotherapy earlier this evening. How he manages to find the bright side of optimism in a sombre setting astounds me.

Just a few minutes ago, my mom, together with the help of my (fresh grad) doctor cousin, just fixed grandma's feeding tube in place as she subconsciously tried to yank it out for the second time today. This is the first time in her life that my mom's doing this and she's unfazed.

I've the hardest fucking parents in the world, and I'm extremely proud to be their son. I just pray that I'll have the mental strength and fortitude to do them right when the moment requires me to step up.

Right now, my usual borderline-sociopathic ability to seamlessly disassociate with reality has been subdued. I am a shadow of myself, sitting in the kitchen alone, breaking apart inside.

posted from Bloggeroid

Rage

First of all, I'm emotionally all over the place. I'm angry. Angry at what my nation could do, and I mean the amount of evil we have the capacity for. So yeah, I'm going into this without pulling any punches.

To lend some context, I just heard BFM's interview with The Star's youth platform-turned investigative journalism team R.AGE, regarding their piece on the student trafficking of foreign students.

Long story short, these bright, hopeful individuals are swindled into spending their nest eggs, and even their families's possessions, for the prospects of receiving a good education from bogus institutions set up in Malaysia. Then, on their student visas, they're forced to work with their student visas (which is an immigration crime) to survive, while earning less than the minimum wage, all while their family goes on with their lives unaware of the horrors students face.

It sickens me that Malaysia, a nation of multicultural and ethnic diversity can resort in such exploitative measures. I'm angry at how vulnerable people are exploited just because they want to break out of the poverty cycle.

I'm angry that these shit bag, scamming cunts walk among the rakyat, without receiving justice because these syndicates are so entrenched in the grey area of the law that they can get away unscathed.

I'm angry, because I have been in that position before, albeit I was lucky and privileged enough to get out of the scam. Yeah, I'm priveleged. I've never denied it (and it's besides the point here).

If I wasn't writhing in my car seat listening to this, driving home from work, then I might just be weeping in the corner of my room for thinking how cruel the world is at exploiting the poor and underprivileged.

I know I'm angry because of my passion for being social justice-y at the slightest of things. But the root of the problem is how I don't know how to redirect that anger into something useful.

How the fuck do we solve these issues? I'm not willing to put my career on hold to address these atrocities, either.

Maybe that's the cost I'm not willing to bear. Maybe the toll isn't just my ideals and values, but my lifetime as well...

posted from Bloggeroid

30

"30".

The silence lingers, an unwelcomed hitchhiker.

He hoped the other two didn't notice the slight tremble in his voice. From the backseat, the other two passengers remain stoic, quiet. Eerily muted.

The co-pilot clears his throat, dislodging the phlegm courtesy of his briyani lunch. "What do you mean? Why 30?"

"That's when his responsibilities extend beyond himself; he'll be busy taking care of his parents while starting a family of his own... " the driver interjects.

Beyond himself. That's a nice way of putting it.

Our main subject continues: "Exactly. So until then, I will need to set myself up for the best career opportunity out there."

He angles his body forward. "That means getting enough funding to get a Master's Degree in the best spot I could afford, and getting into a long-term job that I'm actually okay with."

The two remain silent. They knew that nothing they could say would dent the orator's moral momentum.

"Once I turn 30, all bets are off. If I don't get my Master's by then, then it's too bad. I'll just need to knuckle down and work on providing the best future for my family."

Family. Our protagonist slumps back onto his seat, his mind grappling with the harsh reality and expectations he so willingly encumbered himself with.

"30. That's when I start slowly killing all my dreams".

posted from Bloggeroid

Version

Futsal was shit because of selfish teammates.

OK Cupid bears some promise, even with some of the good ones deactivating their accounts.

Book draft V2 has been done, pending reviews before I make any edits.

Rick and Morty seems prospective. Cute coworker who suggested it remains super cute as well.

On that note, dating co-workers is a no-no for me, even if I manage to briefly overcome the occasional crippling anxiety.

That is all.

posted from Bloggeroid

Smother

I've been backdating on things here because gosh darn, it's much easier to tune out on writing and just watch some good TV shows instead.

Marvel's The Defenders peaked much too soon in the climax of the series, but does set the characters up well for their respective arcs.

Now Westworld, that's a different beast. Essentially non-linear (mild spoilers) and leaves you scratching your head up until episode 3, it's mixes the brutality of humanity along with the prospects of transhumanism. My cup of sci-fi nutjob philosophy set in the near future.

And for the main event, my rants on why Tinder is so polarising:

- Swipe Right to find out! (instead of using this actual space to write, you know, a bleeding bio)

- empty bios/ "ordinary person" trope. (Thanks, that was very enlightening)

- *insert vague motivational quote heavily (and usually horribly) paraphrased to insert some sort of unwanted gravitas*

- Bringing up all the past experiences because I need to know your rich history of failed exploits and botched relationships and how you're still salty from them

- (this, I'll get stick for) Grammar and spelling!! Words, properly constructed and curated to make a sentence flow! Maybe if you've some quip, layer bits of personality in there and not just come across as being boisterous.

- (now I can't take a proper photo myself) Work those pictures! Filters are only good for colour-correction and prevent you from looking like every other boring, cardboard-cutout person using this platform (to me, I know but this is my space so I'm unapologetic!). Pictures convey what words sometimes cannot. Show your personality, don't just laud it.

- Here for friends, love my boyfriend! (Facebook = social app; or Meetup, or tweak your settings, or just ughhhhhh not be on a dating app!)

- Tits




All in all, don't fall in to conventions and conveniences. You are fucking unique and talented and gifted in your own way. So quit hiding behind a facade of what you would call a "persona" and express yourself!

posted from Bloggeroid

Flash

I've gone on another deep dive.  So here's two short stories out of it.

Have at it.

Scathe

I want to know... How do you feel about Oni, now that he's happily married? 

I don't intend to make offense. Please, believe me. I just want some validation. On how deeply you can fall in love with someone, and not even have them be remotely involved in your life. 

Because I don't want to be the only person who feels that way about someone else. 

I don't want to be alone.  I don't want to acknowledge my loneliness. 

Riders

We both slump onto the creaky, patchy leather seats. From the back of the bus, we refute whatever existed ahead of our vision. For the first time, we were tired of love. The two of us gave up, hurt by others who we felt truly belonged with, but perhaps not to. 

You sunk your head onto my shoulder, your familiar scent lingering. I shrugged. Even in times of comfort, I was foolishly selfish. "I'm sorry" the words floated on, almost without meaning. 

She bowed her head. "I understand that you're not ready for that". 

So we sat in silence. Two broken lovers, just a headrest away. 

Perhaps you were what I needed back then. I was just too hurt to see that love wasn't for a singular person.

I should have loved you back.

One Last Time - Ariana Grande

Flint

It's odd... I'm on goddamn Tinder. The equivalent to leaving your job to work for Evil Corp (subtle Mr. Robot reference).

It could be my subconscious pushing me to become uncomfortable again. To really, truly be vulnerable again.

Either way, I've already met a friend on a similar app (yes, I'm two-timing Tinder with Bumble and OK Cupid). Naturally, I "nope-d" it. She was my high school senior.

Also, I'm seriously having writer's block on how to sell myself so that's dumb. Oh, and the database is rife with grammatical or spelling errors, which are almost always immediately followed by rejections.

All in all, it is somewhat interesting how dating can be gamified as well. And if anything, this helps desensitise myself to social anxiety.

posted from Bloggeroid

Job

"Hey, Fang. We're concerned about you and need to talk to you about something".

Panic and curiosity quietly settled. Having this conversation amidst an ongoing audit did not quell any fears, let alone the sight of my work colleagues/friends flank me three-to-one.

"We're concerned about your... Recent involvement in reporting about factory issues."

"Factory issues?" I thought. But I'm in QA. Clearly I play support all departments and would have to give precedence to pointing out any factory issues.

The second guy chimed in. "Yeah. If it was up to us, we'd pick up that candy wrapper at the changing room and throw it away. There was no need to post it in our company messaging group, to call out the other department heads".

Wait! Is this what's been bothering them? A dang wrapper?!

"Listen, I'm not going to just do so", I retorted, trying to mask my frowning at this... Collective ignorance.

The last guy chimes in. "Bro, just close one eye (aka turn a blind eye) and forget about it. It's a small problem. There's isn't a need for everyone to know."

So, that's their motive! Saving face from the higher ups. How petty. Oh shit, now I have to mask both confusion AND disappointment...

My hands refused to clasp my cutlery, as they started to animate. "Look, that issue is just a symptom. I want to solve the root cause. Staff need to -"

"Wah! Conducting Root Analysis already?" the first guy rudely interrupted. Well... There goes rational discussion. "Look at Fang! This isn't your job, why work so hard? Being a hotshot, bla bla bla".

At this point, I had completely switched off. There was no point to carry on with this conversation. I made up some bullshit excuse and left to resume my work.

I will not let anyone intimidate me into doing a lesser job for the sake of convenience.

Fuck convenience.

Fuck mediocrity.

Fuck complacency.

There goes a huge chunk of respect for said colleagues. This only further enforces my practice of not trying to make friends at the workspace.

What a bloody shame, and a fucking waste of talent.

posted from Bloggeroid

Q

You'd think I'd be done with Quora by now. Me too!

But it's oddly refreshing to have my predispositions from a broken education system slowly distorted and soiled. Recently, that was my predisposition of the caring and merciful (no more) Mother Theresa, and how skewed Malaysian students have of her (go look it up).

I know I use the word "perhaps" too often to embrace life's uncertainty, but...

Perhaps in the current times of PC culture (which I've only recently learned stands for "politically correct") and propensity for disagreements or conflicting info being labelled as "fake", it's nice to have a platform where arguments are conducted with empirical evidence and by educated people.

Try comparing the Facebook comments section or Yahoo! Answers to Quora, on similar topics. I'll wait.

Sure, Quora does have a slowly growing community of race-baiting, intentionally-inflammatory questions (oftentimes posted by anonymous users - cowards), but these pointless people are oftentimes overwhelmed by intelligent humans with relevant experiences and not a degree from Google University.

So yeah, I suppose I am politically correct. But on the same token, I'd be happy if anyone could prove me wrong on things.

I am only but an educated idiot, with the Internet being a readily available source of information and as a result, misinformation.

posted from Bloggeroid

Book

So... In my excitement I might have forgot to mention that I wrote a book ("finished" it last Wednesday)! It's an anthology of sorts, from my experiences in The States.

I'm really pumped, mainly because I can finally share it with others and it's currently undergoing the first round of reviews (from multiple friends).

That being said, I realised that I forgot to add in more segments so there might be a few more writeups in the first revision.

I've no plans to publish it at the moment. It'll need some visual illustrations to go with the final version of writing (whenever that may satisfy me) and I actually just thought of making a few prints to keep as a personal collection.

Who knows, things can change from now until then. I'm just glad that it is a thing now, and not just some Microsoft Word document sitting in my laptop hard drive.

posted from Bloggeroid

Work

My performance is not remitted by the amount of fucks I give.

My performance is based off my productivity.

Having to chauffeur you around town to get some goddamn fever medication is not my duty.

You have a wide and kids. I don't. I am under no obligation to take care of your health for you.

Your hostel is just a block away from getting affordable healthcare, covered by the company! We don't work you until you've broken down to even be incapable of walking that far.

You didn't gain 2 hours of rest by us town-hopping, or enjoying the air conditioning on a hot Tuesday afternoon.

No.

You wasted two hours of my fucking time to drive to a more reputable clinic, because you said the clinic nearby your hostel wasn't good enough.

And then I find out that you didn't actually visit the nearby clinic at all! You lied to me, and to the entire administration department as we arranged for your hand-holding session.

Okay, then you come back two days later complaining that the fever never subsided, even if the possibility of having a fever lasting over SIX DAYS PRIOR would have reduced you to a heap drooling over the floor instead.

Whether it be naivete on your end or the inception rooted in your noggin' from what the doctor said might (huge keyword) be a viral infection, you kept insisting (almost demanding, as if you had such privilege) that you be taken to the hospital.

Fine. So I contacted the same people you had lied to a few days prior. But you couldn't even hold your pee and wait for their response.

So you bypassed my authority to interrupt and annoy my boss (who, of course, gives me a proper shelling) when she's dealing with more pressing matters are at hand. Even the infrared thermometer at work AND the clinic twice disagreed with your diagnosis, you lazy fuck!

Thankfully I didn't have to go through the same ordeal as dispatch was available that day. You get your hospital visit, without having to infuriate me as your driver.

So colour me an unsurprising, pissed off figure that I get a call back from HR later that day saying that after a two-hour wait at the hospital for a blood test that the healthcare professionals didn't even bother to treat you as you needed absolutely fuck all treatment to begin with.

Fucking hell.

posted from Bloggeroid

Descent

Day One
My knuckles turn white as my fingers fumble to reach the two zippers to my luggage bag, as I comically sit on top of it to try and force it to close.

Packing for a trip has now seemed so odd, as my previous flight was a real mess of waterworks and jetlag.

Still, I guess this is another phase to move on from. I still find it surreal to be hiking the tallest mountain in South East Asia, and I'm not even the hiking kind!

I reckoned that perhaps forcing myself into uncomfortable positions can help me grow more. It'll probably suck, but it does provide some added perspective.

Day Two
Saline splashes over my face as I grip tightly onto the side railing of the starboard bow.

A speedboat had darted past us, in the opposite direction. Then, the boatman spun hard right, towards the wake of the earlier passer-by.

"Oh, you bastard-" SLAM! For the brief moment I was airborne along with the other passengers, I was teleported back to a recent ignominy, as my backside and back crashed back to my seat, the bouy slamming onto my already-white knuckles, cutting it.

Sea travel always seem to stress me out.

Day Three
Yep. As per usual, I had underpacked for the initial hike and overpacked for the second half.

Pauline was defeated come dinner time. You could see the pain in the eyes. She must be in a lot of discomfort. Throughout our meal she kept insisting that she wanted to skip the hike on the following day.

Annoyed, I gripped her shoulder hard. "You're climbing tomorrow. I don't care what you say right now. You will do it tomorrow or you will regret it". I could feel my intense glare piercing through her.

She got me into this trip. I owed her the very least for her to see it through.

Day Four
It has been two years. You'd think I'd take it much better by now. Somehow, I'd thought so too. But whenever I'm reminded of you, the regret of a fractured friendship reminds me of personal underlying issues.

Maybe, I have issues with intimacy, that I need to break them even when things are great. Perhaps I can't settle for the now and what's going on in the moment, to just enjoy the present times.

But this slow walk away from my ending adventure allows me to relive good times. And we were great, even if it was just as friends.

Lastly, somehow I could not get "What a Wonderful World" out of my head throughout the walk down.

Day Five
"I don't think you were ready for the hike."

Thanks for that uncalled piece of criticism. It wasn't advice. I've known better, mom.

I don't get it. You knew that I was handicapped with my asthma, and that altitude sickness got the better of me. You'd think I'm already a hard judge of my own performances, but you do love to add in a comment or two, just because you can.

Maybe it's because my grandmother treats you the same, maybe you've been desensitized and normalize this practice as a result of overexposure to your mother-in-law... But that's still unfair to me.

Besides, you know I'll have to bite my tongue and not entertain my "American education" of speaking my mind freely.

posted from Bloggeroid

Ascent

It happened.  I somehow threw myself in the one place I rarely find pleasures at: altitude.  So here's my mid-year travel gig (illustrated through pictures!):

Pre-agony

Pauline, her colleague, Shwu Shan and I spent most of our pre-hiking days walking around the Kota Kinabalu.  Food was in abundance, so obviously I regressed to my primal Malaysian state and engorged whatever was in sight.

Jesselton Point

Island-hopping with these two ladies

Seafood Laksa (although it's more like Curry Mee) - Scrumptious!

Agony, Round One

The big event!  

In way over my head

Arguably I under-packed for the initial stages of the hike, as it was 15 C at the base of the mountain.  So I quickly doubled-up with a thermal layer and we soon began our hike.  

Some 200 meters into our hike (looking promising!)

The initial trail was great!  Hiking definitely made the slightly cold weather more bearable.

I was surprised how many people were hiking this spot

  The last picture of Pauline struggling (for that day)

I actually (wrongly) rested at Laban Rata (6 km out of 8.5 km), when I should have been at the Pendant Hut.  Nearly missed the ferrata briefing deadline.

Agony, Part Two

The lamb-and-beef fest of a buffet dinner last night definitely made my sleep more peaceful.  The 2.30 am alarm, less so.

Thankfully at that point my aching legs have recovered (thanks to said meal and some protein bars).  Pauline and I had mild headaches since the day before, around the 4, 5 km mark.  Hers had receded after some medication, but mine continued to linger.  The altitude was unsurprisingly getting the better of me.

We had to delay our ascent to Low's Peak as there was an overnight storm and winds were going at 25 km/h.  It was already -1 C at this point, and we were behind schedule to reach the peak before sunrise.

The initial trek saw me on par with Pauline, but my throbbing head started wearing heavy, and I was forced to take more and more breaks, falling behind.

At one point, I was hiking alone, with a very dodgy torchlight (should not have skimped on that).  I had reached a small hill where the trail seemed to have went cold: warning tapes of a sheer drop to my right, and an observation deck to my left.  Dread slowly settled as I found myself lost in the cold 3 am morning.  The wind picked up as I hurriedly laid flat next to a rock to shield myself from the wind.  Thankfully, moments later a few descending hikers illuminated the path forward, and I pushed on.

As I reached Sayap-Sayap Checkpoint (7.5 km out of 8.5 km and the last checkpoint before the summit), the accompanying guide broke the news: we weren't going to make it in time.  I was gutted, but with my worsening condition, I had to concede.

Camping there with another hiker (I'm sorry I forgot your name!), it was both too cold to descend in the morning and fruitless to continue the hike.  So we decided to wait it out, in hopes to still do the ferrata climb (if things get any better before 8 am, when the segment was arranged).  Perhaps unsurprisingly, I took a nap while waiting for the time to pass.

Surprisingly, that "power nap" lasted an hour and a half.  My companion had obviously left after I woke.  With her nowhere in sight, and the weather not improving, I decided to descend back to the rest house, as it was nearing 6 am and I could see the fog starting to roll in to our path back down.

Icy winds were to follow next

The only way I could ever properly descend a near-45-degree slope: butt-sliding with the rope sandwiched under my armpit

The rest of the descend was uneventful, as I took my time going down guide-less.  I did however, take many pictures of the flora around, along with my customary self-imposed psychoanalysis (more on that in the next segment!...).

As I returned to Pendant Hut, I was greeted by one of the Sabahan staff there.  I immediately gave him a hug as I slowly yanked off my shoes in relief- the remaining 6 km descent will be hell on my knees.  

The remaining staff were about to start their prayers for the victims of the 2015 earthquake.  I joined them, reciting prayers in a foreign dialect as they paid respect to the 18 people who lost their lives that day. 

There was pain and sorrow in their eyes.  And I felt it as well, as I welled up in tears shortly after.  Empathy is extremely powerful, even after all the shit I went through hiking up here to start.

After our second breakfast, the gang had covered up to prepare for the prevailing winds.  Thankfully, we all hiked down without much fuss or incidence.  

Kenny #1 and Kenny #2 before leaving the comfort of Pendant Hut

Finally reaching Timpohon Gate, after a 5-hour downward marathon

Of the six of us, Pauline and Xin made it to the summit, and those two ladies were phenomenal.  A huge thanks must go to our guides, for pushing them to completion, even if they were about to hit the runner's wall.

My admiration for Pauline never seems to run out, as she once again shows how her perseverance can outshine the toughest tasks.  Shameless plug, but I kept forcing her to do the second half of our hike up, as she was starting to show reluctance in continuing the hike over dinner in part one of the hike.  

I supposed I owed her that much to make sure we did the best we could muster.  But hey, at least I get a crummy black and white consolation certificate, revealing that I was just another 300 meters from the peak's elevation (not to be confused with trail length).

Hey, at least I got to take some pretty pictures and chat about a whole lot of things to a great friend throughout our hike.  Below are the other pictures of the hike.

Purdy flower post-rain

Purdy bell-like flowers

Widdle purdy flower

Cutie pink flower

Cutie fungi

Props to Pauline for spotting these clusters at one of the rest stops (I think it was at the 4-km-mark)

All in all, it was an amazing experience, even if I'm not a fan of hiking or altitude.  A huge amount of appreciation has to go to Pauline for inviting me along for this journey.  Maybe after a few years, I might just return to conquer that sucker one day.  

Until then, I suppose this picture of me looking cool would have to do.

Yes, I made it extra large.  Suck it.

Good Girls - LANY

Bagels

Well I'm going through some existential problems so let's explore that for a bit.

I'm feeling lonely. Like... Really lonely. It doesn't help that I just listened to Harper Audio's "The Shadow Queen", "The Other Us" and "The Light We Lost" or that I've hosted a dating couple in recent days (who are lovely, by the way).

I think in my own reluctance, maybe I should move with the times and get a dating app. The people who I've interest in are not reciprocating so I should move on before I go down the rabbit hole of fantasizing things.

So here I am (there's loads of other content which I could have wrote but for some reason this phone app can't post through 4G, so I'm left backdating content).

Am I... Conceding defeat?

Me? The kind of bullish hard-head who stands by his own moral compass even when the world screams back?

I'm not sure. But if I'm considering it, it's as good as saying I've given up to conventional meets and greets.

Honestly. Me, using a dating app? Either my looks would detract you, or my dry quip. Seriously, me... Using a dating app?

posted from Bloggeroid

Couple

Elisabeth and Trevor had visited KL, so naturally I embraced my second chance to play host and brought them around town for a bit, taking an extra day off as well.

After a botched attempt for Nasi Lemak Bumbung (it closes on Fridays), we had Bak Kut Teh instead.  Naturally, I over-ordered and taught the two how mixed Malaysian language command can get (I conversed with the waitress/boss in a mixture of English, Mandarin and Cantonese).

The following day was the customary KL day trip.  So we hit Central Market (Pasar Seni), KLCC, did the Twin Towers Tour (more on that later), Masjid Jamek (which was already closed for visitation), Merdeka Square, and back home for a mamak dinner (Liverpool were playing that night).

Back to the tour, we had reached all the way up to the 86th floor, which was a first time for me (previously, tourists can only access the bridge at the 42nd floor).  Although covered in the gloomy aftermath of rain, KL does look pretty impressive from this elevation.

After the customary Batu Caves trip, we returned the following day to check out Aquaria, which I have been away from for so long that I forgot almost everything about the exhibit.  This segment of the rainforest biome was really aesthetically-pleasing.

Monday was more relaxed, with a night market foodscapade at SS2 before I headed back to work (they went to Cameron Highlands the following morning, followed by another week in Penang).  So we said our goodbyes, gave big hugs, and I returned to corporate reality.

That Friday, I came back to the sight of this in my room:

After a shitty end to the week at work, this made it slightly more bearable.

Here's to hoping that I can be the "hostee" whenever I do drop by Norway.

D.N.A. - Kendrick Lamar

Race

(I'm backdating this, so memory recall might not be great)

My company's Sports Club has been surprisingly active this year, churning out events every two months or so, which is nice as I get to know my colleagues better outside of work.

This time, we had set out to do a Treasure Hunt, similar to The Amazing Race, travelling across Klang to Putrajaya, KLIA 2, and ultimately Port Dickson.

So below is a snapshot of our team ("The Evil Treasure Hunters" - not my idea) at the start of the race.

From left: Me, Ryan, Ya Houy and CK

Before we starting disliking each other (jokes!)

We did rather well for a bunch of newcomers (CK excluded), as we breezed through the first half with little fuss.  The second half saw us make some errors as we were rushing to finish the race (there was a time limit with penalties for late-comers).

Ultimately, we finished third!  Plus we got to spend the weekend in PD roaming about so that was great.  

The Mewah Dairies' Teams

I had also stumbled into Bryan and Celine when we were at the PD Waterfront post-event so it was nice getting to see them after two years.  Bryan recognized me from afar from my signature(ish) beanie.  And Ya Houy was giving me stick for it earlier that day...

Islands In The Stream - 

Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers

Python

Assistant Manager: "Leaving work so soon?  Don't you still have things to do?"

Arguably, it was past official working hours, so I've little incentive to stay back on a Friday evening.

Me: "Yes, I still have work.  But I need to be in Subang in an hour's time.  So I'll see you next week!"

I made a mad dash through the locker room at work, forgetting to collect my pendant from the locker as I keyed in the GPS on my phone to Sunway University.

I was meeting up with Miss Malissa, my Sunway lecturer when I was there some four, five years ago.  

She gave me a brief tour of the new facilities, the newly relocated, refurbished and renamed Center for American Education (CAE, formerly known as American Degree Transfer Program, ADTP) as well as the impressive new library and expanded canteen before having dinner at a nearby cafe. 

Conversations ran long as we covered a vast range of topics over the three-odd hours I was there.  But a few notably stood out, of which I should:

1. Really, really try to find time to talk to transferring students about to go abroad and 
2. To strongly consider the taking up a Graduate Research Assistant (GRA) position with the university.

The former is rather tricky, since the sessions are held on the weekdays (to cater to students).  But I did submit my CV to her for the latter.  If that gets me into grad school, that would be great.  I'll just need to wait and see.

Lastly, there's a NASA Hackathon happening in KLCC in some three week's time so I was invited to form a wonder-team of fresh-grad misfits.  Here's the lineup:

Chin (Machine Learning enthusiast)

Roger (Game designer)

Danny (Aeronautical engineer)

Me (wildcard, coffee-grabbing, people-managing, presenter?)

As such, I'm starting to learn Python 3x programming.  But I'm a technophobe at times so this will probably amount to nothing.  Here goes...

Send Them Off! - Bastille

Shut

He fucked up.  And it was clear to see.

A moment ago, he was cruising back home to family, football talk on the radio, hand on the wheel.  He was tired: work this week involved more running around the factory than normal.  All he sensed was the discussion on player form, and the warm lighting illuminating the highway.  He was calm, floating for a brief moment...  then it turns dark...  silence.

BANG!!  

A slamming thud sends his nerves pulsing, his eyes widen to readjust to see the roadside barrier too close to his left side.  Horror sets in, as he immediately realigns to his lane.  His heart sank into the pit of his stomach as he glanced at his now-bent side-view mirror.  Beyond that, a 20-metre drop onto a separate highway.

He can feel his face flushing now, heat spreading to the back of his ears and temple.  He fucked up, big time.

Shortly a petrol station comes up as the driver pulls over to assess his wrongdoing.  Black streaks run across the side chassis, as he pushes his mirror back in place.  No dents, but what the fuck?! he retorts.

He tries to calm down as he returns to the driver seat.  Screams drown out the radio announcement as he curses his idiocy.  He'll hold onto this secret for the time being, unsure if it'll ever see the light.

The sound of bent sheet metal would accompany his sleep for the coming weeks. 

Don't Like.1 - Kanye West, Chief Keef, Pusha T Big Sean, Jadakiss

Radioactive

Minor update from my visit to the endocrinologist, my thyroid hormone levels had not just regressed, but actually was at an all-time high (triple the normal value of a normal human).

Thus, I'm back on meds and will see the doctor a month from now to re-evaluate... aaaand explore/prepare for radioactive iodine treatment OR surgery to excise part of the thyroid gland.

I'm going through some spurts at the moment, but the procedure will be done in mid-year (I requested for it to be done post-KK hike).  Mentally I'm unaffected yet, since it's still a few months away.

I'm sure I'll feel very different then.

But if it helps me get better, I should do it.

Dessert - Dawin

Stasis

Last Tuesday, I took the day off and visited Pathlab to check my thyroid levels. Having been off medications for over six months, I needed to check on my progress.

Unfortunately, the test results indicate hyperthyroidism instead of the normal levels seen last year. Perhaps it was denial, but I forked out another payment and had me retested last Saturday (results will be out tomorrow).

Unfortunately, this morning I had another episode of muscle weakness. Not as bad as relapsing, but I had trouble lifting my legs to put on my pants. My arms were shaking as I rinsed the hand soap off. That was concerning.

So I called in "sick" for work, as I feared that my condition would be exacerbated. Four hours later, and I've regained most body strength.

Assuming I've a heap load of work to do from today's absence, I guess I'm coming in pretty early tomorrow.

But it is a terrifying feeling, having your own body turned against you. And I'm only in my mid-twenties. How long will this struggle continue? Sigh

posted from Bloggeroid

Rain

I got un-creative for the title (it's raining now).

As though I didn't learn better from past experience, I bought XCOM 2 and the DLC bundle through Humble Bundle to try out the Long War 2 mod, which overhauls most of the game mechanics, to a more realistic approach.  So here's to recreating the entire squad roster with added customization options through the Steam Workshop.  My Steam program had a minor blip earlier so it has erased my recent saved files, with the last one taking place last Saturday (which is why I'm reluctant to dive back into it right now).

Besides that, I've finished all four seasons of Samurai Jack (to prepare for Season Five's release in early March) and have just started BrainDead, part political satire, part comedy show with Mary Elizabeth Winstead (God, she's beautiful).

Finally, I (finally) begun my training for hiking KK by hiking Bukit Gasing earlier today with Pauline, her colleague, Chee Hao, Sunshine.  We're aiming to try again next week, and I'll aim to add more load to carry for this practice hike, and more importantly, be less of an idiot and not try to scale a wall and get gashes on the way back down.

I haven't seen Sunshine in some 5 years so it was a good opportunity to make up on lost time.  One of the more "serious" topics was on checking our privilege, having both been able to pursue our studies abroad, and how that realization keeps us somewhat grounded to issues that matter.  At least, that's what I'd like to think.  You can check out something similar like this.  

Oh, and work is a sack of shit so I'm not going to talk about it.  I'm taking on more and more duties and yet, we're having to deal with avoidable errors and equally dumb breakdown in communication.

Law - Yo Gotti ft. E-40

Ball

My body opens up to receive the pass, having found a small pocket in the middle of the opposition defense.  Elliot spots my run, and slots one in between the center backs.  The ball was a little behind my right foot, as I tried to readjust to control it.  And as the sole of my shoe makes contact with the ball, the ankle buckles and the ball turns into a pincushion, sending a familiar pain up the leg.

I'm out of the futsal session for the day.  And it's only been two minutes.  I suspect that it's just a minor twist, so ignorantly I continued playing for the remainder of the two-hour session.

"Last goal!" shouted TJ as the lights went out, signalling the end of our day.  At this point the pain is becoming more apparent, as the adrenaline begins to wane off.  Having used my weaker left foot since the injury, I felt that it was time for a proper sending off.  Up to this point, I've seen two shots hit the post and a swerving shot from range tipped over by an alert keeper.

I wanted a goal.

Play resumed as Yin Xun starts at the left flank.  The other two teammates had occupied the box as they looked to saturate the left side.  Starting from the middle of the pitch, I ran down the right side, hoping to add some width to the attack.  Yin Xun spots the run, and lays the ball wide right.

As the ball travels straight towards me, I take a quick look around.  No player  within reaching distance.  Plenty of time for the strike.  I contemplated curling the shot with my left foot, but the ball was moving across my body.

Screw it.  My right foot's a goner anyway.  

I side-foot the ball, driving my foot through the ball as the opposition looks by.  The shot was driven low, and bobbles towards the keeper's right side, and nestles into the back of the net.  

I'd be celebrating with a fist pump by then, if I wasn't on the ground wincing in pain.  If my foot wasn't messed up then, it certainly is now.

Afterwards, it was revealed that I might have a sprain instead.  The swollen ankle is a dead giveaway.

Do I regret this?  Kind of.

But I would rather give my all for the sport I love to being restrained.

Chinese New Year is gonna be a little bit more tricky, though.

Hit It and Quit It - Funkadelic

500

Happy 500th post/10-year blog anniversary/24th birthday to me!

You could say that I had elaborately planned this all out, but then I'd be lying.

Shout out to Genevieve for having me wrack my brain to do something noteworthy for this milestone post.

Last week, I had watched Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino's new Netflix series Atlanta, and it is a fun mix of eclectic counter-culture criticism, humour, and rap culture.

So a few days ago my hostel room doorknob turned jammy and I couldn't open the door.  Fortunately, I had my now-obsolete credit card with me, and proceeded to pick open the door.  After 20 minutes of grunting and cussing, I finally got it open (much to the relief to me not having to breach that sucker).  This is a further justification that I should take up lock-picking as a skill.

Moreover, I just signed up to hike Mount Kinabalu with Pauline.  It's in early June, so I still have time to train and prep for the hike.  It will be amazing, either way.

As for the Micro Malaysian gig, the list of selected publishers had recently been released, so congratulations to Surya and Yan Chee!  I'll try better next time (to curb my propensity of forgetting deadlines).

Or... I could spend money to get some portable WiFi (my phone can't turn on its mobile hotspot feature, for some reason).  Then again, it's about time to consider changing my phone.  That thing is constantly testing my patience.

So... here are my Micro Malaysian posts.  As a quick reminder, the requirements for these submissions are that they have to relate to Malaysian culture, and only be 150 words long.

1. Amber meets Emerald

Amber.

That colour was created for you. 

Even if I were to forget your short dirty blond hair, the pinched ends to your eyes, your cheeks as they reenacted a chipmunk caching nuts, my Mind Palace continues to cling onto that hue.

I had overlooked your preference of tofu over Nasi Lemak, of baseball over football (soccer… ugh), your fear of needles to my fear of expression… and Trekkie appreciation over whatever it is Star Wars fans call themselves.

But it was all borrowed time.  Reluctantly I had left those fields of opportunity, away from your Minnesotan warmth.

The cabin’s low hum startled me, and I am reminded of my final sight of you: of emerald, engulfing those beautiful eyes as beads trickle down those cheeks, as murmurs creep from your quivering lips.

For the final time, I was left an emerald tint: the shade of an accidental lover.

2. Millennial(s)

“Now, listen”.

His eyes sharpen with purpose. 

Reluctant courage surges through vertebras as his chest expands, fist clenched.

“I’m 23 years old, and can decide for myself.” 

Eyes stare back, muted.  His primal instincts threaten to flood his bloodstream with adrenaline.

Is this fight… or flight?

His mind blanks out.  He goes for it.

“Can’t you see that I’m bloody miserable at work?  I’m overqualified, under-payed, and overworked.  This is absurdity!”

Farewell, composure.

“This archaic Asian belief imposes the flawed notion that I can be happy and succeed if I work hard enough, for long enough.  I won’t be fooled.”

Silence reciprocates.

“From now on, I’m taking charge.  My resignation has been tendered and I’ll move out come the weekend.”

---

“So how was work this week?” wrinkled hands clasp his.

Clouded irises catch his gaze.

“It was a good week, grandma”.  A crooked smile flashes as his torso tightens.

3. Homecoming

Crunching leaves, strewed across the bricked pavement, emulating the Sun’s colours.  Somehow, death looked beautiful, even for the slightest moment.

Powdered flurries prickling, as his breath forms smokes in the air.  Beneath layers of fabric his heart races, as howling friends glide overhead, lifting reinforced wood onto the hilltops.

The waft of flora, an envoy to ending freeze-thaw cycles.  Opaque facades replaced by plethora of vibrancy, as the synesthesia beckons avian songs.  Her visual palette oftentimes compliment the scent of beautiful women, and anti-histamines.

The blazing Sun, beating down waves of heat and nothing else.  A combination of being microwaved in the day, to barbecue dinners at dusk, of vacant summer classes and intimate relationships.

Finally, a blast of cool air-conditioning races across our/the protagonist.  The loudspeaker dings a familiar prompt:

“To all Malaysians, welcome home”.

But for the past few years, his heart was set on the Western front.

Flippin All Night - ILoveMakonnen