Wednesday 30 September 2015

Together

Okay, so nothing big has happened in the past 24 hours, but I'm starting to really flesh out the details to the murder mystery and it's getting exciting!  Shame that I can only find inspiration during my bed time.

Jon and I will be going to Bio Life tomorrow to donate some plasma, in exchange for some side money.  So we'll see how that goes.  I'm excited, as this would be a new experience.  The money is a bonus (really).

Plus my ankle's yet to fully recover because I've been going running in the past week or so, thus not giving it enough time to heal completely.  Feels like it's about 90% there, which is encouraging.  Just can't do no spring jumps yet.

10 Bands - Drake

Tuesday 29 September 2015

Space

You know, I can be very tolerant, and thus will keep things to myself sometimes. Plus, I'm more than willing to spend time hanging out as buddies whenever.

But that doesn't mean that you can butt into my sessions whenever you please, thinking that I'll be okay with it. I want my personal space and frankly, you're invading it.

I simply wanted a relaxing, stress-free, no-nonsense gaming session by myself and not have to deal with another teammate (in FIFA) bickering about every call and mistake made (be it me or otherwise). Moreover, as harsh as it is, you are not up to my level and that upsets me even more because I have to compensate for what you lack.

There, you brought out the harsh truth (and meanie) in me. Now I'm upset that I wasted two hours playing babysitter to a lousier gamer who "isn't competitive enough" to play versus with me, or get better at the game.

Rant. Over.
posted from Bloggeroid

Saturday 26 September 2015

Auction

Well, not really.  Although I wished it could be an auction.  What's going on?  I'm offloading my belongings.  So I'm giving my friends first pick at the things before posting it on Facebook and whatnot.

It looks like packing all my things into two suitcases might just be feasible after all.

On a sidenote, I realized that I'm really, really bad at follow-ups to my blog posts, and life updates, in general.  So here are the biggest four:

1) About the what-was fallout some 10 days ago, we're back to being good friends now.  And honestly, it is as surreal as it is most heart-warming.  Here's an excerpt of what my best-friend-and-therapist-for-five-years Sabr had to say:

"It could be (that) you're projecting these feelings towards her because yeah, you guys would probably be great together, cause you're already great friends. but not every girl like that is one you should date.  After you move past that, you probably have a friend for life. friendships tend to last way longer than relationships anyway."

Yep.  My best friends are good at making me look stupid.  Definitely a welcoming trait.

2) I am leaving The States in the coming months. I’ve yet to purchase my flight tickets, but I’m looking at mid-November or November-end to depart.  

3) I'm seriously contemplating this crazy trip around The States before I head home (see point #2).  There's a few stumbling blocks, aside from my sometimes-clueless self to worry about.  Those factors include timing (because this will take about 15 days, and I've gatherings with friends and seminars to attend to in between), and an obvious lack of people to travel with (see former point).

4) I just had to, had to (double emphasis!) share this bit of poetry, from my Facebook stumbles.  Why?  Because I love poetry, and it is romantic as shit.  Take a gander and appreciate it as well.

Jaded - Disclosure

Friday 25 September 2015

Murder

So I'm planning on hosting a murder mystery party sort of as a farewell party of sorts.  After sifting through almost 4 hours of reading material via the Google, I'm no closer to figuring out what to do.  This post is pretty much my break session.

All I know is that I'm gonna have it loosely themed after Sherlock Holmes, and that looking up "murder", "spider" and "diagrams" led me to the dark side of the internet.  Well, that sure scarred me for today.

On a separate note, my ankle is still recovering, albeit slowly due to last week's football session.  I'm no longer wearing the ankle brace, as it gets darn itchy.  I still can't make sharp turns or put a lot of thrust in a toe-lift-off, but at least I can do high-knee jogs to work out a little.

I should get back to my plot devices soon, since I'm not being productive with offloading my belongings before I go home.  Plus, I've filled my schedule up with the sporadic lectures featured by Iowa State.  

I managed to attend my first lecture conducted by Frank Abagnale, so that was great.  You know that movie "Catch Me If You Can"? That's based off him, one of America's most wanted conman under the age of 19.  Yes, 19 years old.  It was intriguing to listen to his life story, and how it differed from how Steven Spielberg had portrayed it in the movie, including the repercussions of his actions when he was younger, owing the U.S. government over $4 million.

Regardless, he is a remarkable human, not for his past, but for his resourcefulness and ingenuity.  Since then, he has contributed to many fraud-prevention systems that are still implemented in many companies in the Fortune 500 list, in over 80 different countries.  

An odd way to end this post, but meh.  I'm on "Scatterbrain Mode" now.

Bad Blood - Ryan Adams

Monday 21 September 2015

Borscht

So the recent World Music and Food Festival happened over at Des Moines.  It was my first time there so I guess I was somewhat pumped.  My recovering sprained ankle wasn't as keen.

The final verdict: I wish there were more European cuisines to eat, and less (or no) American food stalls.  The borscht was amazing, but then again, I love borscht.  The Ethiopian booth had pretty good food as well, in generous portions, while the Dutch booth had Dark Chocolate ice cream, which was great.  Didn't try the Asian countries' food at all, because I've had enough of that.

We didn't stay for the fireworks, but that's all right.  We left sometime around 6 pm, and I passed some things over to Liang, since I need to offload everything anyway.  Kinda bummed that I had to part with my Logitech gamepad, as that means I can't play any platformers anytime soon.

I also tested out my recovering ankle earlier today with a football session.  Definitely not up to full fitness yet, as it hurt even with a turn of the ball when my ankle is locked facing downward.  It was also apparent throughout the game as I played pacifist in a contact sport, making zero tackles.

At least I can still dribble a little.  Managed to score a goal today by turning Adli inside out before slotting a shot past Jon, the goalie.  I couldn't contain my joy and made an awkward double fist pump to the ground.  Yay for small things.

What Do You Mean? - Justin Bieber

Friday 18 September 2015

Post

I'm not angry, no. Not upset, or annoyed, even about my actions dialing a few days back.

I am actually very surprised and confused at myself for making those decisions. And it took some reflective sessions and proper conversations to realize that.

So thank you, friends (you know who you are) for being there when I needed you most. Thanks for showing me my finer qualities, and for being open with me, to me.

Onward and upward.

posted from Bloggeroid

Tuesday 15 September 2015

One

Here's a story. Because I need a coping mechanism. Plus, this isn't wholly accurate. So ignore it.



A dream and an abrupt waking kickstarted his mundane week. His exceptionally monotonous, bland, unemployment-ridden week.

He rolls over to his side, groaning, reaching out to grab his phone, laying just a few inches from his face, and checks the time. He taps on the phone screen, and the room glowed from the faint (but still uncomfortably bright) beam of light emitting from his phone:

4:02 am.

God damn it, he thought. He had only begun to sleep at 1 am (his routine nowadays) and his sudden awakening only meant one thing: his troubling thoughts got the better of him. For the umpteenth time.

He flips his phone shut, rolled onto his back, and started staring at the ceiling as he hears the wind whistling through the small opening in his window (he likes the ventilation). He knew what to do next.

This seems to be second nature nowadays, like he has developed his own psychoanalytic routine. He takes a big breath, exhales slowly with his eyes closed, and clears his throat. It's been a while since he's had to run the whole talk-out-your-problems exercise. With his hands cupping the back of his head, he started:

"Look, you messed up. She was not into you and had her own set of emotional problems to deal with. You could have kept it to yourself, like all of the other beauties you've met, but nooooo; you chose to be selfish for once and chose to satisfy your want at her emotional expense."

He closed his eyes, took another deep breath, and listened to the chirps of crickets outside. Let's be logical and rational now, he thought to himself, as he slowly reopened his eyes to adjust to the darkness. The room seemed more visible now.

"This is why you can't date your friends, man. If it works out, great. But has it ever worked out? That's a resounding "no", buddy. And what happens should (a very likely) rejection come out, well you'll need to start boarding the "Awkward Train" to Limbotown! Because things can't possibly be any less weird now."

He curses under his breath, clearly annoyed at his own ineptitude in dealing with his emotions. Sometimes the practice of emotional compartmentilization has its usefulness. Tonight's a startling reminder of that.

"You got close to her, became good friends- well, at least you see her as a good friend, and decide to make more than what you already have? I mean, come on! You had a good friendship, one with a girl, and that's really hard to come by for a schmuck like yourself, being all reserved and whatnot."

Another deep sigh, as he massages his forehead, pinching it while he shifts his body.

"Now let's play this out logically: she has told you that it's awkward for her and would like to remain friends, but we know this can't be forgotten. You don't fare any better. Heck, you're clueless and powerless on what to do next. So you guys do the thing that you don't want to do- which is to go your separate ways."

"Now you can somehow figure out the whole emotional compartmentilization thing and get on with it, so let's not worry about yourself. This isn't about you; it's about her. You don't know how she'll take it, and that concerns you, even though YOU don't want yourself to care about her, because you'll further complicate things."

Another deep breath, as the silence is disrupted by the rustling of tree leaves, swaying with the cool breeze of an ending summer.

"So what do you think happens? You leave her company as a friend-turned-more-on-his-own-accord thing, and she moves on with life, bearing this as some form of emotional baggage (because she has feelings, and you gave her that problem, you inconsiderate person)."

"You two will take time off interacting with one another, grow apart, and leave it at that. You, will fear that rekindling that friendship could lead to an escalation of sorts, so you become timid and cautious. And thus you might miss out on what could have been a great friendship should you not have fell for her."

He repositions his legs and glances over at his phone again. It's 5:08 am now.

"So was it worth it? Let's leave it at that, shall we?"

He forces a smile (out of disbelief, obviously) as he rolls onto his side, burying his face inside his pillow, and goes back to bed. Needless to say, getting back to bed might take a while. He wishes sleep was his biggest problem now.

End...?
posted from Bloggeroid

Monday 14 September 2015

Who

Seems that love isn't for me right now (meaning for the past 4, 5 years). Things just act like square pegs in round holes, and (somewhat) simple stuff just get jumbled up into this rubber band ball of a mess for me to untangle.

Such is life, I suppose. Besides, what I'm looking for now is a companion. Can't you tell I've been slowly introduced to Doctor Who? David Tennant plays him well.

Until the next post, alons-y!

posted from Bloggeroid

Sunday 6 September 2015

Hat-trick

My right ankle was feeling funny before the game, but as it progressed it got worse from getting tackled from behind. Hobbled for a bit, but ran it off anyway. After reassessing it post-game, it might be a mild sprain-like knock. It should be fine within a day or two.

My other ankle connected with Justin's studs as we contested for a loose ball. And my left knee feels a little off when I apply pressure on it. Probably due to being tackled from behind yet again when I was planting my left foot for a volley.

Yep, just another honestly fun day playing football. Did I mention that I scored a hat-trick? One shot, one goal. Finally picking up some good form.

posted from Bloggeroid

Thursday 3 September 2015

Control

Lately I've been blogging quite a lot. I suppose it's a good sign: it means I'm letting out more and not bottling it up inside.

I wanted to write/talk about control. Mainly, emotional self-control. That might be having the discipline to not say the hurtful things when annoyed, or to not raise your voice and lose your temper when upset.

Discipline, to me, is what sets you apart from others when dealing with the pressure life constantly hurls at you; it is what makes or breaks you from being a better, bigger person (and not in a derogatory way that undermines others).

It is proven psychologically that children raise their voices to gain attention. This however, usually degrade's one's position, as it subconsciously shows the compensation taken to cover up their mistake.

When faced with an unfavorable situation, the best way to tackle the issue is to be calm about it. If someone insults you, it would probably be more beneficial to understand their reasoning behind it rather than going defensive and shooting back insults. The latter always leads to escalation, which is a huge no-no in any conflict situation.

The best way, is to take the verbal punishment, and tolerate it. Be calm about it, and speak with composure. Now, it's also good to speak your mind if you don't want recurrences. Note to be careful of what you say, as in the end, it's always a case of respect.

Everyone, including the robber in that dodgy alleyway, wants respect. Although sometimes they don't deserve it, it doesn't mean that you have the right to take that away from them.

Needless to say, this post stems from an altercation between two of my housemates regarding money one owes the other. Yes, it's a sensitive topic, which is why it should be approached with care, respect, and control.

Thanks to my gift of having ridiculous amounts of empathy, I'm adversely affected, too. Just had to ruin my damn day.

So keep your emotions in check. Don't go ruining someone else's day. You might deserve it, but they sure as hell don't.

On a sidenote, I feel like I should write another short story soon. Seems like I'm missing that: emotional rant - check, life update - check, poetic/ambiguous segment - check, short story of randomness - pending.

Well, onward and upward.

posted from Bloggeroid

Tuesday 1 September 2015

Amber

So I'm almost 100% conceding to the notion that I'll be leaving for Malaysia. I've yet to tell everyone of this, but I'll need some time to swallow reality still.

I didn't intend to leave this early, but my hand is being forced.  My only option is to enroll in a program, and it seems that it might be too late to enroll in one for the Fall.

So I say this with a heavy heart, that I lost, once again.  The compounding factor behind this sadness is that I was so close to making it.  I got a job (okay, maybe I didn't settle my transportation issues), but I was on the verge of working for one of the biggest companies in Microbiology (in my opinion).  I was so eager to step out into the real world, yet a simple and avoidable mistake from months before comes back to bite me in the ass.

However, one of the biggest disappointments would be to you, the lady with the amber eyes.  You know who you are, and I shall remain cryptic on this front.  I'm still working on me expressing my thoughts and feelings, and I apologize for being unable to articulate this to you in person.  It is a shame that we've only so little time left to remain in each other's company.  I had this golden play written in my head, ran countless of times to make things work, and yet a spanner has been thrown into the works.  I truly wish that you feel the same way I do.  And if you don't reciprocate, well... it won't be for long anyway.  I would be lying if I said I didn't wish for this golden play to be salvageable.

Gotta have a little faith, eh?

Stars Fell on Alabama - She & Him

Effect

Unfortunately the WiFi at the my new place is being a toolbag to my laptop. So I'll just have to resort to blogging via Bloggeroid on my phone.

I've recently had numerous chatters with Chin from back home, for the past few days. Among the things we've talked about, the Westermarck Effect was brought up.

To sum it up, it is defined as a "hypothetical psychological effect through which people who live in close domestic proximity during the first few years of their lives become desensitized to sexual attraction."

And when I think about it, it makes sense from my relationship/love life standpoint. I'm the kind of guy that needs to be a friend before I can be something more. And whoever I fall for is mainly the people I interact with the most. Student councils, academics, whatever.

Maybe I'm not living in close proximity, or that I am not forward enough with people. But I've known these people so well, for so long, that I've seen them less as friends.

I see them more as family.

And that's what they are to me, still. Family, who I cannot rank less of, than that. You see, my ranking of intimacy goes from friend, to partner, to family. And I can't date family. That's like going after my sister (blergh!).

And you just can't have a step down as easily as it is to move up the rung. Especially living away from family, my friends become my support group. And that may be just it.

Or it's just another excuse to comfort myself. Anyway, I'll live. It's worked out so far.

posted from Bloggeroid