As apparent as it seems, I'm getting less and less time for myself this semester. My midterms are butchering me and outside school, I'm involved with ISC and am still working on my social life. Much had came to be in the past month, which explains why I haven't had time to post something up.
Late February, AMSISU had a potluck at the SUV Community Center for the fifteen day of the Chinese New Year (Chap Goh Meh). There was a good turnout, and great food like Nasi Lemak, Braised Chicken, Sushi, etc. It was a nice get together and we had a snowball fight right after the meal. It was chaos!
It was extremely fun, for my first time experiencing this.
A week after that, Dan and I attended the Passion Pit concert featuring Matt & Kim at the Hilton Coliseum in Iowa State University. That night was an amazing night indeed.
Dan and I during the interval.
Matt & Kim were incredibly energetic, spewing profanities and hyping the crowd up. They did a good job keeping the crowd wanting more, with their psychedelic beats and upbeat tunes. After a 30 minute show, they had to bade goodbye, inviting the main act to the floor.
The band exited to the stage one by one, with the crowd cheering ahead. And without uttering a word, they opened with the heavily drummed intro of "I'll Be Alright" from their latest album, Gossamer. The crowd was pumped and singing along. It was great. And the lighting was beautiful, and really gave the stage a sophisticated, elegant feel to it. Here are some lousy pictures taken in low light from the gig.
It was a great night, but a little short lived (the gig was only an hour and a half long). With my disappointed roommate, we ended the night playing Zombies on Call of Duty: Black Ops until 1 in the morning.
So fast forwarding to this week, I had two interviews in store: a Destination Iowa State (DIS) Team Leader interview (which is an orientation program where Team Leaders show students around campus), and an interview session with International Student Council for the position of Events Coordinator for the 2013/2014 committee.
Both interviews went well, in my opinion. The former had me going into "Hyper mode", being super sociable and I think I was funny enough to be memorable. If only I can be more like this, and not the shy quiet brooder sometimes. The latter was weird to an extent, as I know a majority of the board. Thus, the interview got more and more casual as it progressed. That being said, I did pull off a good interview in my head.
Both results came out on Friday, and I got accepted for both positions, which was great. Moreover, the dreaded Organic Chemistry exam (supposedly next Friday) had been postponed until the Friday after Spring break. That virtually gives me two weeks to study, which is indefinitely a gift from heaven. That Friday night was topped off with dinner at Texas Roadhouse with Yen Fei, Kevin and Yan Yao. What a finish to the day.
Sadly, the next day wasn't so happy joy-joy... Here's the Facebook message thread I had with *blank* (person's identity shouldn't be revealed) for a therapy session. Ignore the ridiculous profile picture that I have.
Fang Hao Lim
Still online? I need to talk to somebody...
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Fang Hao Lim
I must warn you, it's gonna be soppy
By the way, that Snickers bar is delish
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Fang Hao Lim
Hold on. Still munching on it
So a few days earlier I had organized a Skype session between some friends so that we could have a chat. This session was to be held 9 pm Malaysian time on Saturday (this morning at 7 am earlier today)
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Fang Hao Lim
So, four out of the five of them said "okay", and will make it. Thus, we proceeded as scheduled. I took extra effort to get up this morning, with two of them notifying that they'll be late. I got that. But the other two didn't mention a thing
It was only 40 minutes later did I get to talk to anyone, which were the two who told me they would be late. The other two came online about an hour into the conversation. Even then, they were preoccupied with other stuff
Fang Hao Lim
I made a point that I wanted to talk to them as I missed home, that I was living halfway across the flipping world and that I wanted to find comfort in something familiar, something reassuring. Heck, I freaking made the timing super convenient for them, whereas I had to wake up ridiculously early. I didn't even have time to brush my teeth
Fang Hao Lim
Maybe they don't get it. That the mean more to me than vice versa.
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Fang Hao Lim
And these were my best friends in high school. They were my life
And it's been too frequent where I waste my time waiting on others, only to get nothing in return
So tell me: why do I still put too much faith in my friends. I'm even questioning the bonds between those I'm closest to.
There should be a question mark somewhere in the previous sentence, my bad
Person
Maybe it's cause they don't know how important it was for you to talk to them.
And that for them, they take it for granted that you're always there.
Probably cause they're all still back at home.
And don't experience what you feel.
Fang Hao Lim
I mean, I've made it clear about that. How I missed home and all that jazz. But... sigh
It's so damn frustrating. I can't even focus on anything for the entire day. Such a mental wreck now.
And I do sincerely apologize if I messed up your night. Thank you for listening to me. I've been trying to talk to someone for the past two hours and no one was around.
It's ironic to know that of all the friends I make, I'm bloody lonely
I still hold that as my biggest fear. To be left alone, to live alone, to die alone.
You know, if you need any more tears for lytic activity on bacteria, now's the golden opportunity
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Person
Maybe it's just cause it's hard for guys to understand all these emotional stuff. So they don't really get what's the big deal of missing home.
And you've got plenty of friends.
Don't worry about being alone. There's always me and Yan Yao. Unless...
Fang Hao Lim
I'm pretty sure they know full well how it's like, since they've lived in dorms far from home at certain points in their life
I mean, I can never divulge all these crap to Yan Yao. He doesn't have the emotional capacity for my concerns
Person
Nah, he may seem like that, but he still listens.
Fang Hao Lim
Not just that, I'm starting to think that I want to get into a relationship so badly because I need to care for someone again. Maybe then, will I not be so overly concerned about my own well-being, with that certain someone sharing the good and the bad with me
Heck, I'm doubting whatever I once stood for here
Person
Unless you get a jack ass girlfriend.
Fang Hao Lim
Which I'm starting to think I did, as disgusting as that sounds
Person
I'm not putting you down, just that there's no reason to rush into things. I mean there are plenty of selfish people in the world. So take the time to find the right one.
Also, if it's the case of being lonely, get more involved around campus, get more involved with people here.
Fang Hao Lim
Yes, it's been some four years now. But I starting to believe that Joyce had never cared for me, even as a friend. She didn't even bother talking to me. I was used. Period.
Person
I'm not saying leave your friend in Malaysia behind, but your life isn't about just one group of friends.
Fang Hao Lim
How more !@#$%%^ involved do I need to get? (Substituting profanities here)
I'm putting so much on the line right now
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Fang Hao Lim
In my defense, I'm in ISC, I'm the Sustainability Chair for my dorm, I'm a TA, I'm going to be a DIS Team Leader, I'm also the Events Coordinator for the upcoming semester, I'm still an active member in the Microbiology Club and in AMSISU,how much more do I need to get involved?
Person
I don't know what to say.
Fang Hao Lim
It's okay. I didn't come here looking for answers. I just wanted to talk and let it out
Person
In a sense, you can't expect everything to remain the same between everyone. Everyone changes along the way.
Fang Hao Lim
In the end, I'll just cry myself to bed, and soldier on.
It's true. I think I just can't accept the fact that everyone is straying away from me, that I'm discarded like a used toy
Not just one or two friends, everyone
Person
Hmmm, even people around ISU?
I mean, that's kinda harsh, don't you think?
Fang Hao Lim
They don't know me, how would they?
Perhaps I'm being harsh. But that's my perspective as of now
Person
Well, is it because you're not giving people a chance to know you better?
That you'll so tied up to the fact that the only people you can open up to are your old ones, and never attempted making new friends that are worth keeping.
Fang Hao Lim
I am trying, but who the hell is there to listen to me? You are, so is Lynn, and I am very thankful for that. But I've seen to many liars here, so many phonies, who is there to trust? I'm putting my faith out there in the open for all, and in the end I just get disappointed time after time
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Person
I mean, really? Liars and phonies? Whoa, what have I missed out on?
Fang Hao Lim
You've missed out on nothing.
Person
I'm pretty sure the number of liars and phonies out here doesn't outnumber the amount of friends.
There's plenty of people that will care and not disappoint.
Cassie, Pamela, Kevin Yan.
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Person
Well, maybe it's cause they always think you're the happy guy.
Like, you've never opened up to them.
Fang Hao Lim
I'm sure those few do care, but I can't neglect those friends from my past too
Person
And aren't you close to a bunch of the Sunway peepes?
You're not neglecting them, but you can't put your whole entire world around them.
Fang Hao Lim
My bunch of Sunway peeps weren't available for me to talk to earlier today
They were my world. I'm not just casting them aside, if I do, I'll be casting my identify aside as well
Person
Well maybe you should expand that world of yours, and include more people.
Fang Hao Lim
Which goes back to how liars and phonies are about
Person
I still can't believe that ISU made an impression on you that it's filled with liars and phonies.
Fang Hao Lim
I'm stuck in a social limbo where if I'm happy, I can never be seen to be sad, and that when I try to make new friends, only sadness is found
ISU didn't give me that impression. My fellow countrymen did that.
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Person
Maybe you're hanging out with the wrong bunch. Hahaha
Fang Hao Lim
Maybe the right bunch won't let me in
You know what's the funny part? I'm trying so hard to be someone who can save the lives of others, to aid others in need, but I can barely help myself, that I leave myself to burn.
I'm so sorry that you had to see this side of me. It's just that I've been keeping this inside for so long. And you're right, nobody would expect me to be sad because I present myself to be happy. But even the happiest people feel sadness too
Person
That's why you should open up.
I mean, nothing wrong with showing your down side.
No one would have figured you had problems if you didn't tell them.
Fang Hao Lim
I don't go around telling people I'm sad because they don't need another person or problem to think about.
Person
That's because you assume so. People tend to share their problems and listen to others. So if you share yours, people will tend to share theirs. So you don't have to worry about burdening them.
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Person
Why you apologizing to me? LOL! You didn't do anything wrong.
Fang Hao Lim
Sorry for putting you through all that drama la!
And to be honest, I've been trying to cheer myself up for too long now.
Person
Nope, that's no drama at all.
Fang Hao Lim
I'm such a girl, aren't I? Haha
Person
Don't think too much about it. You're over thinking. Over thinking tends to get to everyone.
Fang Hao Lim
I know I overthink most of the time, but what I've said here has a degree of truth
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Fang Hao Lim
I think I've gotten all the tears out already. There goes half my pillow
Well, for once, I wished I had a boring day
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Fang Hao Lim
Well I'm gonna try and sleep now. Enjoy your studies/tv show/sleep. Hugs and goodnight
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So that summed up my Saturday night, never mind the impressive Russian Cultural Night earlier.
Now, to get done with homework and watch the Liverpool - Tottenham game.
My Body (Two Door Cinema Club Remix)
- Young The Giant
