Monday, 11 March 2013

Passion Pit

As apparent as it seems, I'm getting less and less time for myself this semester.  My midterms are butchering me and outside school, I'm involved with ISC and am still working on my social life.  Much had came to be in the past month, which explains why I haven't had time to post something up.

Late February, AMSISU had a potluck at the SUV Community Center for the fifteen day of the Chinese New Year (Chap Goh Meh).  There was a good turnout, and great food like Nasi Lemak, Braised Chicken, Sushi, etc.  It was a nice get together and we had a snowball fight right after the meal.  It was chaos!



It was extremely fun, for my first time experiencing this.

A week after that, Dan and I attended the Passion Pit concert featuring Matt & Kim at the Hilton Coliseum in Iowa State University.  That night was an amazing night indeed.

Dan and I during the interval.

Matt & Kim were incredibly energetic, spewing profanities and hyping the crowd up.  They did a good job keeping the crowd wanting more, with their psychedelic beats and upbeat tunes.  After a 30 minute show, they had to bade goodbye, inviting the main act to the floor.

The band exited to the stage one by one, with the crowd cheering ahead.  And without uttering a word, they opened with the heavily drummed intro of "I'll Be Alright" from their latest album, Gossamer.  The crowd was pumped and singing along.  It was great.  And the lighting was beautiful, and really gave the stage a sophisticated, elegant feel to it.  Here are some lousy pictures taken in low light from the gig.





It was a great night, but a little short lived (the gig was only an hour and a half long).  With my disappointed roommate, we ended the night playing Zombies on Call of Duty: Black Ops until 1 in the morning.

So fast forwarding to this week, I had two interviews in store: a Destination Iowa State (DIS) Team Leader interview (which is an orientation program where Team Leaders show students around campus), and an interview session with International Student Council for the position of Events Coordinator for the 2013/2014 committee.  

Both interviews went well, in my opinion.  The former had me going into "Hyper mode", being super sociable and I think I was funny enough to be memorable.  If only I can be more like this, and not the shy quiet brooder sometimes.  The latter was weird to an extent, as I know a majority of the board.  Thus, the interview got more and more casual as it progressed.  That being said, I did pull off a good interview in my head.

Both results came out on Friday, and I got accepted for both positions, which was great.  Moreover, the dreaded Organic Chemistry exam (supposedly next Friday) had been postponed until the Friday after Spring break.  That virtually gives me two weeks to study, which is indefinitely a gift from heaven.  That Friday night was topped off with dinner at Texas Roadhouse with Yen Fei, Kevin and Yan Yao.  What a finish to the day.

Sadly, the next day wasn't so happy joy-joy...  Here's the Facebook message thread I had with *blank* (person's identity shouldn't be revealed) for a therapy session.  Ignore the ridiculous profile picture that I have.  

  • Fang Hao Lim

    Still online? I need to talk to somebody...
    Only if you don't mind
    • Person

      Yeah, sure. What's up?
      • Fang Hao Lim

        I must warn you, it's gonna be soppy
        By the way, that Snickers bar is delish
        • Person

          Lol.
          Alright, spill.
          • Fang Hao Lim

            Hold on. Still munching on it
            Okay I'm done
            So a few days earlier I had organized a Skype session between some friends so that we could have a chat. This session was to be held 9 pm Malaysian time on Saturday (this morning at 7 am earlier today)
            • Person

              Right...
              • Fang Hao Lim

                So, four out of the five of them said "okay", and will make it. Thus, we proceeded as scheduled. I took extra effort to get up this morning, with two of them notifying that they'll be late. I got that. But the other two didn't mention a thing
                It was only 40 minutes later did I get to talk to anyone, which were the two who told me they would be late. The other two came online about an hour into the conversation. Even then, they were preoccupied with other stuff
                • Fang Hao Lim

                  I made a point that I wanted to talk to them as I missed home, that I was living halfway across the flipping world and that I wanted to find comfort in something familiar, something reassuring. Heck, I freaking made the timing super convenient for them, whereas I had to wake up ridiculously early. I didn't even have time to brush my teeth
                  • Fang Hao Lim

                    Maybe they don't get it. That the mean more to me than vice versa.
                    *That they
                    • Person

                      Hmmm
                      • Fang Hao Lim

                        And these were my best friends in high school. They were my life
                        And it's been too frequent where I waste my time waiting on others, only to get nothing in return
                        So tell me: why do I still put too much faith in my friends. I'm even questioning the bonds between those I'm closest to.
                        There should be a question mark somewhere in the previous sentence, my bad
                        • Person

                          Maybe it's cause they don't know how important it was for you to talk to them.
                          And that for them, they take it for granted that you're always there.
                          Probably cause they're all still back at home.
                          And don't experience what you feel.
                          • Fang Hao Lim

                            I mean, I've made it clear about that. How I missed home and all that jazz. But... sigh
                            It's so damn frustrating. I can't even focus on anything for the entire day. Such a mental wreck now.
                            And I do sincerely apologize if I messed up your night. Thank you for listening to me. I've been trying to talk to someone for the past two hours and no one was around.
                            It's ironic to know that of all the friends I make, I'm bloody lonely
                            I still hold that as my biggest fear. To be left alone, to live alone, to die alone.
                            You know, if you need any more tears for lytic activity on bacteria, now's the golden opportunity
                            • Person

                              Sighs, cheer up dude.
                              • Fang Hao Lim

                                Somedays, I just can't
                                • Person

                                  Maybe it's just cause it's hard for guys to understand all these emotional stuff. So they don't really get what's the big deal of missing home.
                                  And you've got plenty of friends.
                                  Don't worry about being alone. There's always me and Yan Yao. Unless...
                                  • Fang Hao Lim

                                    I'm pretty sure they know full well how it's like, since they've lived in dorms far from home at certain points in their life
                                    I mean, I can never divulge all these crap to Yan Yao. He doesn't have the emotional capacity for my concerns
                                    • Person

                                      Nah, he may seem like that, but he still listens.
                                      • Fang Hao Lim

                                        Not just that, I'm starting to think that I want to get into a relationship so badly because I need to care for someone again. Maybe then, will I not be so overly concerned about my own well-being, with that certain someone sharing the good and the bad with me
                                        Heck, I'm doubting whatever I once stood for here
                                        • Person

                                          Unless you get a jack ass girlfriend.
                                          • Fang Hao Lim

                                            Which I'm starting to think I did, as disgusting as that sounds
                                            • Person

                                              I'm not putting you down, just that there's no reason to rush into things. I mean there are plenty of selfish people in the world. So take the time to find the right one.
                                              Also, if it's the case of being lonely, get more involved around campus, get more involved with people here.
                                              • Fang Hao Lim

                                                Yes, it's been some four years now. But I starting to believe that Joyce had never cared for me, even as a friend. She didn't even bother talking to me. I was used. Period.
                                                • Person

                                                  I'm not saying leave your friend in Malaysia behind, but your life isn't about just one group of friends.
                                                  • Fang Hao Lim

                                                    How more !@#$%%^ involved do I need to get? (Substituting profanities here)
                                                    I'm putting so much on the line right now
                                                    • Person

                                                      Well...
                                                      • Fang Hao Lim

                                                        In my defense, I'm in ISC, I'm the Sustainability Chair for my dorm, I'm a TA, I'm going to be a DIS Team Leader, I'm also the Events Coordinator for the upcoming semester, I'm still an active member in the Microbiology Club and in AMSISU,how much more do I need to get involved?
                                                        • Person

                                                          I don't know what to say.
                                                          • Fang Hao Lim

                                                            It's okay. I didn't come here looking for answers. I just wanted to talk and let it out
                                                            • Person

                                                              In a sense, you can't expect everything to remain the same between everyone. Everyone changes along the way.
                                                              • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                In the end, I'll just cry myself to bed, and soldier on.
                                                                It's true. I think I just can't accept the fact that everyone is straying away from me, that I'm discarded like a used toy
                                                                Not just one or two friends, everyone
                                                                • Person

                                                                  Hmmm, even people around ISU?
                                                                  I mean, that's kinda harsh, don't you think?
                                                                  • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                    They don't know me, how would they?
                                                                    Perhaps I'm being harsh. But that's my perspective as of now
                                                                    • Person

                                                                      Well, is it because you're not giving people a chance to know you better?
                                                                      That you'll so tied up to the fact that the only people you can open up to are your old ones, and never attempted making new friends that are worth keeping.
                                                                      • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                        I am trying, but who the hell is there to listen to me? You are, so is Lynn, and I am very thankful for that. But I've seen to many liars here, so many phonies, who is there to trust? I'm putting my faith out there in the open for all, and in the end I just get disappointed time after time
                                                                        • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                          *too many
                                                                          • Person

                                                                            Really?
                                                                            I mean, really? Liars and phonies? Whoa, what have I missed out on?
                                                                            • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                              You've missed out on nothing.
                                                                              • Person

                                                                                I'm pretty sure the number of liars and phonies out here doesn't outnumber the amount of friends.
                                                                                There's plenty of people that will care and not disappoint.
                                                                                Cassie, Pamela, Kevin Yan.
                                                                                • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                                  But do they care ENOUGH?
                                                                                  • Person

                                                                                    Well, maybe it's cause they always think you're the happy guy.
                                                                                    Like, you've never opened up to them.
                                                                                    • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                                      I'm sure those few do care, but I can't neglect those friends from my past too
                                                                                      • Person

                                                                                        And aren't you close to a bunch of the Sunway peepes?
                                                                                        You're not neglecting them, but you can't put your whole entire world around them.
                                                                                        • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                                          My bunch of Sunway peeps weren't available for me to talk to earlier today
                                                                                          They were my world. I'm not just casting them aside, if I do, I'll be casting my identify aside as well
                                                                                          They defined me.
                                                                                          • Person

                                                                                            Well maybe you should expand that world of yours, and include more people.
                                                                                            • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                                              Which goes back to how liars and phonies are about
                                                                                              See the lovely impasse?
                                                                                              • Person

                                                                                                I still can't believe that ISU made an impression on you that it's filled with liars and phonies.
                                                                                                • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                                                  I'm stuck in a social limbo where if I'm happy, I can never be seen to be sad, and that when I try to make new friends, only sadness is found
                                                                                                  ISU didn't give me that impression. My fellow countrymen did that.
                                                                                                  • Person

                                                                                                    Malaysians?
                                                                                                    • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                                                      Nod
                                                                                                      • Person

                                                                                                        Maybe you're hanging out with the wrong bunch. Hahaha
                                                                                                        • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                                                          Maybe the right bunch won't let me in
                                                                                                          You know what's the funny part? I'm trying so hard to be someone who can save the lives of others, to aid others in need, but I can barely help myself, that I leave myself to burn.
                                                                                                          I'm so sorry that you had to see this side of me. It's just that I've been keeping this inside for so long. And you're right, nobody would expect me to be sad because I present myself to be happy. But even the happiest people feel sadness too
                                                                                                          • Person

                                                                                                            That's why you should open up.
                                                                                                            I mean, nothing wrong with showing your down side.
                                                                                                            No one would have figured you had problems if you didn't tell them.
                                                                                                            • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                                                              I don't go around telling people I'm sad because they don't need another person or problem to think about.
                                                                                                              • Person

                                                                                                                That's because you assume so. People tend to share their problems and listen to others. So if you share yours, people will tend to share theirs. So you don't have to worry about burdening them.
                                                                                                                • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                                                                  You're right. I'm sorry
                                                                                                                  Thank you, so much
                                                                                                                  • Person

                                                                                                                    Why you apologizing to me? LOL! You didn't do anything wrong.
                                                                                                                    Just cheer up.
                                                                                                                    • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                                                                      Sorry for putting you through all that drama la!
                                                                                                                      And to be honest, I've been trying to cheer myself up for too long now.
                                                                                                                      • Person

                                                                                                                        Nope, that's no drama at all.
                                                                                                                        • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                                                                          I'm such a girl, aren't I? Haha
                                                                                                                          • Person

                                                                                                                            Nah.
                                                                                                                            Don't think too much about it. You're over thinking. Over thinking tends to get to everyone.
                                                                                                                            everyone*
                                                                                                                            • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                                                                              I know I overthink most of the time, but what I've said here has a degree of truth
                                                                                                                              • Person

                                                                                                                                Pat pat
                                                                                                                                • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                                                                                  Yeah
                                                                                                                                  So how was your day?
                                                                                                                                  • Person

                                                                                                                                    Boring.
                                                                                                                                    • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                                                                                      I think I've gotten all the tears out already. There goes half my pillow
                                                                                                                                      Well, for once, I wished I had a boring day
                                                                                                                                      • Person

                                                                                                                                        There there.
                                                                                                                                        • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                                                                                          Okay
                                                                                                                                          • Fang Hao Lim

                                                                                                                                            Well I'm gonna try and sleep now. Enjoy your studies/tv show/sleep. Hugs and goodnight
                                                                                                                                            • Person

                                                                                                                                              Nights.


                                                                                                                                            So that summed up my Saturday night, never mind the impressive Russian Cultural Night earlier.

                                                                                                                                            Now, to get done with homework and watch the Liverpool - Tottenham game.

                                                                                                                                            My Body (Two Door Cinema Club Remix)
                                                                                                                                            - Young The Giant

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