Polarities

Bipolar scenarios seem to be the theme for this week.  There's the weather, work, friendship, and my emotions (AGAIN).  So grab some popcorn if you want, this may take some rambling.

The early portions of the week started with icy walkways and 5 C weather, and took a 180 degree turn overnight with 3-feet snow and -30 C wind chills.  Early that week when the walkways were icy, it was a bittersweet experience watching others waddle alongside you to the bus stop.  One dude even pulled off a frontflip (onto the curb, sadly).  It's not terribly cold anymore, thankfully.  Doesn't mean it's getting any warmer, though!

Well, moving along.  I volunteered to help out a Malaysian PhD student recently in his research on the morphology of freshwater mussels and the potential wildlife conservation methods.  I honestly did not anticipate our meeting, as it turned out to be an interview and I was not that prepared.  Overall, I thought I did a good job representing myself and tried my best to promptly answer his questions.  However, he had to turn me down as the research project doesn't quite match my field of interest.  That, and the fact that all the other applicants were either Honors students, or better.  So that gulf in class did leave a bit of salt on the wounds, but he was nice and gave me good advice.  

With my hopes of being a Research Assistant shot down, came another opportunity.  I had (finally) met up with my lecturer to get my Teaching Assistant sessions tied down and will have to settle the paperwork before my first classes on Thursday.  I'll be working for two lab sessions, back to back, with a possibility of working in another lab session should there be an opening.  Lab sessions won't take too much of my time, which kinda disappoints me a little as I wanted to work more than 3 hours a week.  In the end though, I can't complain as I get paid too (which is a latent goal, but still a bonus).  At least I get to cover my phone bills, haha!

On friendship, though.  It's been a rough week for me.  My nextdoor hallmate, Dillon Ruby passed away.  News broke out on Tuesday night when the hall director personally delivered the news to us.  There were some sobs, but the eerie silence was worse.  Those who knew him well were busy sobbing, whilst those who didn't know him got distracted.  It was a dreadful setting.  The worse part, the one that got me so riled up for the next few days, was the no one bothered mellowing down the scene:  they just went back to their status quo of a downward spiral, wasting their lives away.  What did they do?  Nothing!  The hall was soon booming again with profanities and obnoxious music being blasted down the hallways.  Sometimes, people can be so inhumane, so inconsiderate, so disrespectful.

Now, I may not have known him much, but that's the reason why it pains me too.  All I ever picked up from him was that he was part of the National Guard, was studying Criminal Law and Justice, and had a warm welcome however rough the day might have been.  That was enough to get through day by day, and he had suffered a fate crueler that what he ever deserved.  Upon reading his obituary page, I learned that he had done a lot for the community, like being a firefighter trainee.  He had so much potential to bring forth a better future, but it all goes to waste now.  That's what made me so saddened.  It's true that only the good die young.

On that sad note, I'll move on to the last topic for tonight.  Turn away now, as it's gonna be melancholic.  Recently I've been susceptible to the Mermaid Effect as well, and it really screams desperation when you think about it.  I do feel guilty, damn hormones.  But that got me reflecting on the girls who did have an impact on me, the two of them who I felt had a significant connection with, but couldn't make heads or tails with.

First, there was J.  Now, she was an incredible lass in her own way: outgoing, understanding, gorgeous.  She was what a high school crush was all about.  It was through simple bus trips back together when we got to know each other.  Plus, we're in the same class and have a similar clique of friends.  She was very understanding of a person, always available for me to talk to, and really knows how to analyze things in one's perspective.  She knew the ins and outs of my head.  I guess that's why she was so attractive (I mean, besides her looks, duh): it's like she had a blueprint of me, everything about me.  I need not utter a word for her to understand what's in my head, and that brought comfort and assurance to me.  After all the feelings of being cast away by my peers for being different, I had someone who was willing to turn a blind eye for me.  Then again, she had an almost-dual-personality going on.  That duality caught me off-guard, and she always had a surprise for me to any scenario.  It was that special something that kept it interesting.

Sadly, we did not quite work out.  I'm pretty sure religion played a part in that, but it was mainly because she didn't feel the same way about us anymore.  Now when I think about it, maybe the Mermaid Effect did take place, but by her instead.  I understand that she wanted to find herself, and I respect that decision, no matter how much she means to me and that it pains me to concede.  I cared for her as she understood every bit of me.

A couple of years passed and G came into my life.  It was rather ironic that we were to meet during a speed date for Valentine's Day.  Although we both attended that event for kicks, it was I who started picking up the ball and taking initiative to know her.  We soon became friends and although we only knew each other for a few months, we had a few meals together as we're both in the same college, under different programs.  She was another great person, a gamer, an avid reader, she had the brains for knowledge.  She was no nerd, but she was that pretty girl who can outsmart you at times.  She soon opened up to me (even though we only just met) and I felt that there was a strong sense of trust between us, which was special. She was always there to listen to me, to check on me every once in a while.  I felt cared for and my friends even complimented that we looked really good together, which is a huge bonus, since they all didn't know her (which kinda means that snap judgement determined that... and that can be extremely accurate in the long run [fun fact]).  Always smiling, and forever there to chat with, she was another wonderful person.

But we never did get together as the timing wasn't right.  By the time I felt close enough to her to ask her out, it was time for me to transfer to The States.  I can remember that day so clearly, mainly because I had hiked a quartz ridge earlier that day (freehand, mind you) and had nearly fell to my death twice.  I called her up after my graduation and confessed to her, thinking that she had the right to know how I felt and subsequently, how any guy would be lucky to have a wonderful person like her.  She shot me down though, saying that she had no feelings for me.  I don't blame her; it was too soon anyway.  But I did care for her too, for she always cared for me.

And now to the present time, where the beautiful ones (both aesthetically and intrinsically) have either been taken by good guys, or are eyeing at someone else.  How am I to persuade this new lady, of green eyes and sophistication, with the smile to erase the worries?  I can only fathom.

Now that was a long post.  So goodnight, world.  See you tomorrow.

Gold Guns Girls - Metric