Peering

It seems that as I age, I begin to act with less shame in mind.  Sure it may open new doors, but old ones close as well.  The good doors, sometimes.

In an effort to understand one's back-story, their pain, their sadness, their anger, I've peered too deep into their lives...  I didn't intend for this to happen, but the more I dug, the more I wanted to understand him/her.  Not knowing hurt more than hearing about their troubles, having to nod and listen but not having a clue of its origin, it was the itch I couldn't scratch.  And I needed to sooth the itch before I bleed.  Before I knew it, I was near the point of uncovering secrets.

Secrets are meant to be kept that way, a secret.

As a result, I violated our unspoken boundaries of friendship.  I violated his/her life. I violated our trust.  I invoked the anger I hoped to prevent.  I'm not proud to say this, but I broke rules.

Some rules aren't meant to be broken.

Here I sit, in my stool, as I unknowingly forge a throne of thorns.  I've severed a good, promising friendship and left it dangling by the threads.  And as every fiber slowly spins into its breaking point, I'm left with a losing dilemma: savor what's left and walk away, or try to reach the other end of the string and pray that it doesn't snap.

I am a violator.  I damn well deserved to be punished by my own hands, let alone someone else's tongue.  

Nothing Else Matters - Metallica