Falling

I'm still bogged down by stress and personal issues, emotionally and physically (I've been having back aches for almost a month now, not to mention significant hair loss).  Malaysian Cultural Night 2014 is officially over.  Yet I don't feel any sense of accomplishment.  

I danced my butt off, surprising many (which was great), had received good reviews from the AMSISU advisors on the play (I was the script writer), including H.E. Datuk Dr. Awang Adek Hussin, the Ambassador of Malaysia.

But it still doesn't feel right.  Perhaps it's because I wasn't acknowledged by my fellow peers, or that my name in the booklet was glaringly misspelled (Fang Hao Leong, anyone?), or that no one had taken the time to talk to me before, during or after the event (bar Yen Fei, thanks).

Because as much as I am a "renaissance man" to my professor (I'm his Teaching Assistant), Rob Hubert, I am but a forgotten man to others.  And as harsh sounding as it is, nothing I've seen thus far can disprove even a shred of this notion.

From the exclusion of the "Best MCN Committee Ever" photo by the Production Director, to the lack of respect shown towards me, and the teams of which I had worked with.  It just wasn't good enough.  Upon looking at Adli's reaction once the event had ended, it had only enforced the idea that I wasn't wallowing in self-pity; we were equally disappointed, and it didn't have to be conveyed through words.

Sometimes I wonder why the hell do I work so hard for others.  Am I really empowering others?  Heck, was there even moment of self-empowerment?  I can't say such things with confidence anymore.  

Pull My Heart Away - Jack Penate