Rage

First of all, I'm emotionally all over the place. I'm angry. Angry at what my nation could do, and I mean the amount of evil we have the capacity for. So yeah, I'm going into this without pulling any punches.

To lend some context, I just heard BFM's interview with The Star's youth platform-turned investigative journalism team R.AGE, regarding their piece on the student trafficking of foreign students.

Long story short, these bright, hopeful individuals are swindled into spending their nest eggs, and even their families's possessions, for the prospects of receiving a good education from bogus institutions set up in Malaysia. Then, on their student visas, they're forced to work with their student visas (which is an immigration crime) to survive, while earning less than the minimum wage, all while their family goes on with their lives unaware of the horrors students face.

It sickens me that Malaysia, a nation of multicultural and ethnic diversity can resort in such exploitative measures. I'm angry at how vulnerable people are exploited just because they want to break out of the poverty cycle.

I'm angry that these shit bag, scamming cunts walk among the rakyat, without receiving justice because these syndicates are so entrenched in the grey area of the law that they can get away unscathed.

I'm angry, because I have been in that position before, albeit I was lucky and privileged enough to get out of the scam. Yeah, I'm priveleged. I've never denied it (and it's besides the point here).

If I wasn't writhing in my car seat listening to this, driving home from work, then I might just be weeping in the corner of my room for thinking how cruel the world is at exploiting the poor and underprivileged.

I know I'm angry because of my passion for being social justice-y at the slightest of things. But the root of the problem is how I don't know how to redirect that anger into something useful.

How the fuck do we solve these issues? I'm not willing to put my career on hold to address these atrocities, either.

Maybe that's the cost I'm not willing to bear. Maybe the toll isn't just my ideals and values, but my lifetime as well...

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30

"30".

The silence lingers, an unwelcomed hitchhiker.

He hoped the other two didn't notice the slight tremble in his voice. From the backseat, the other two passengers remain stoic, quiet. Eerily muted.

The co-pilot clears his throat, dislodging the phlegm courtesy of his briyani lunch. "What do you mean? Why 30?"

"That's when his responsibilities extend beyond himself; he'll be busy taking care of his parents while starting a family of his own... " the driver interjects.

Beyond himself. That's a nice way of putting it.

Our main subject continues: "Exactly. So until then, I will need to set myself up for the best career opportunity out there."

He angles his body forward. "That means getting enough funding to get a Master's Degree in the best spot I could afford, and getting into a long-term job that I'm actually okay with."

The two remain silent. They knew that nothing they could say would dent the orator's moral momentum.

"Once I turn 30, all bets are off. If I don't get my Master's by then, then it's too bad. I'll just need to knuckle down and work on providing the best future for my family."

Family. Our protagonist slumps back onto his seat, his mind grappling with the harsh reality and expectations he so willingly encumbered himself with.

"30. That's when I start slowly killing all my dreams".

posted from Bloggeroid

Version

Futsal was shit because of selfish teammates.

OK Cupid bears some promise, even with some of the good ones deactivating their accounts.

Book draft V2 has been done, pending reviews before I make any edits.

Rick and Morty seems prospective. Cute coworker who suggested it remains super cute as well.

On that note, dating co-workers is a no-no for me, even if I manage to briefly overcome the occasional crippling anxiety.

That is all.

posted from Bloggeroid

Smother

I've been backdating on things here because gosh darn, it's much easier to tune out on writing and just watch some good TV shows instead.

Marvel's The Defenders peaked much too soon in the climax of the series, but does set the characters up well for their respective arcs.

Now Westworld, that's a different beast. Essentially non-linear (mild spoilers) and leaves you scratching your head up until episode 3, it's mixes the brutality of humanity along with the prospects of transhumanism. My cup of sci-fi nutjob philosophy set in the near future.

And for the main event, my rants on why Tinder is so polarising:

- Swipe Right to find out! (instead of using this actual space to write, you know, a bleeding bio)

- empty bios/ "ordinary person" trope. (Thanks, that was very enlightening)

- *insert vague motivational quote heavily (and usually horribly) paraphrased to insert some sort of unwanted gravitas*

- Bringing up all the past experiences because I need to know your rich history of failed exploits and botched relationships and how you're still salty from them

- (this, I'll get stick for) Grammar and spelling!! Words, properly constructed and curated to make a sentence flow! Maybe if you've some quip, layer bits of personality in there and not just come across as being boisterous.

- (now I can't take a proper photo myself) Work those pictures! Filters are only good for colour-correction and prevent you from looking like every other boring, cardboard-cutout person using this platform (to me, I know but this is my space so I'm unapologetic!). Pictures convey what words sometimes cannot. Show your personality, don't just laud it.

- Here for friends, love my boyfriend! (Facebook = social app; or Meetup, or tweak your settings, or just ughhhhhh not be on a dating app!)

- Tits




All in all, don't fall in to conventions and conveniences. You are fucking unique and talented and gifted in your own way. So quit hiding behind a facade of what you would call a "persona" and express yourself!

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Flash

I've gone on another deep dive.  So here's two short stories out of it.

Have at it.

Scathe

I want to know... How do you feel about Oni, now that he's happily married? 

I don't intend to make offense. Please, believe me. I just want some validation. On how deeply you can fall in love with someone, and not even have them be remotely involved in your life. 

Because I don't want to be the only person who feels that way about someone else. 

I don't want to be alone.  I don't want to acknowledge my loneliness. 

Riders

We both slump onto the creaky, patchy leather seats. From the back of the bus, we refute whatever existed ahead of our vision. For the first time, we were tired of love. The two of us gave up, hurt by others who we felt truly belonged with, but perhaps not to. 

You sunk your head onto my shoulder, your familiar scent lingering. I shrugged. Even in times of comfort, I was foolishly selfish. "I'm sorry" the words floated on, almost without meaning. 

She bowed her head. "I understand that you're not ready for that". 

So we sat in silence. Two broken lovers, just a headrest away. 

Perhaps you were what I needed back then. I was just too hurt to see that love wasn't for a singular person.

I should have loved you back.

One Last Time - Ariana Grande

Flint

It's odd... I'm on goddamn Tinder. The equivalent to leaving your job to work for Evil Corp (subtle Mr. Robot reference).

It could be my subconscious pushing me to become uncomfortable again. To really, truly be vulnerable again.

Either way, I've already met a friend on a similar app (yes, I'm two-timing Tinder with Bumble and OK Cupid). Naturally, I "nope-d" it. She was my high school senior.

Also, I'm seriously having writer's block on how to sell myself so that's dumb. Oh, and the database is rife with grammatical or spelling errors, which are almost always immediately followed by rejections.

All in all, it is somewhat interesting how dating can be gamified as well. And if anything, this helps desensitise myself to social anxiety.

posted from Bloggeroid

Job

"Hey, Fang. We're concerned about you and need to talk to you about something".

Panic and curiosity quietly settled. Having this conversation amidst an ongoing audit did not quell any fears, let alone the sight of my work colleagues/friends flank me three-to-one.

"We're concerned about your... Recent involvement in reporting about factory issues."

"Factory issues?" I thought. But I'm in QA. Clearly I play support all departments and would have to give precedence to pointing out any factory issues.

The second guy chimed in. "Yeah. If it was up to us, we'd pick up that candy wrapper at the changing room and throw it away. There was no need to post it in our company messaging group, to call out the other department heads".

Wait! Is this what's been bothering them? A dang wrapper?!

"Listen, I'm not going to just do so", I retorted, trying to mask my frowning at this... Collective ignorance.

The last guy chimes in. "Bro, just close one eye (aka turn a blind eye) and forget about it. It's a small problem. There's isn't a need for everyone to know."

So, that's their motive! Saving face from the higher ups. How petty. Oh shit, now I have to mask both confusion AND disappointment...

My hands refused to clasp my cutlery, as they started to animate. "Look, that issue is just a symptom. I want to solve the root cause. Staff need to -"

"Wah! Conducting Root Analysis already?" the first guy rudely interrupted. Well... There goes rational discussion. "Look at Fang! This isn't your job, why work so hard? Being a hotshot, bla bla bla".

At this point, I had completely switched off. There was no point to carry on with this conversation. I made up some bullshit excuse and left to resume my work.

I will not let anyone intimidate me into doing a lesser job for the sake of convenience.

Fuck convenience.

Fuck mediocrity.

Fuck complacency.

There goes a huge chunk of respect for said colleagues. This only further enforces my practice of not trying to make friends at the workspace.

What a bloody shame, and a fucking waste of talent.

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