Divide

I can't find a good moment out of life of late.  Maybe I've lost the principle of "living in the moment", but I'm in a very hard place now.

So once again, I'm sorry for being sappy, and vulnerable.  And sorry for the limited vocabulary.  My brain isn't up to the task right now.

I'm still having issues with finding a subleaser to my apartment in the US (see preceding post), finding it hard to claim for baggage damage from KLIA, requesting for a refund for my cancelled flight a month ago, and unemployment.

Yeah.  That last part feels like a knife in the back.

I'm doing my best, promise.  But it's concerning to know how unprepared I was for the real world.  I'm not naive anymore: just plain old stupid, and unresourceful.  Stick me into a jungle and I'll probably hurt myself more often than anticipated.

Also, it's downright frustrating when each parent feeds you conflicting ideals.  My mom was talking to me about looking for internships and co-ops if I can't find a full-time position, and immediately my dad shoots down that notion by demanding I find a full-time position exclusively in my field of study.  

Now this is hard to fathom due to my parents having to work many odd jobs before settling on their long-term careers.  Why am I not given the same treatment, when the Malaysian economy is degrading by the day?  That, I honestly cannot wrap my head around.

I'm still looking to submit my writings to Readers' Digest for some small money, and even then my parents are quick to say: "Why not focus your time on applying for jobs, etc?".

It's also increasingly infuriating when they both team-up against me.  For example, my mom can be treating me to a nice I dunno- drink or something, but when my dad brings up some "I told you so" scenario, she immediately jumps ships and gives me crap, too.

I mean, it's great that you two are doing it as a couple and all, but aren't I your son?  Can you not do the hairdryer treatment and help me out, minus the snarky comments?  Yeah, those little tidbits of insults that you have badgered me to refrain from using?  

Life's hard right now.  Very hard.

Because I don't have space to be my own person, struggling to deal with life.  Sometimes I wish my parents will just throw me out of the house and have me figure it all out, as they have when they completed college.  Note I'm not saying that they were thrown out of their houses, I'm merely implying that they were allowed to due medial jobs to support themselves.

I might just fail, but I might just succeed as well.  Regardless of the matter, I hope that these mistakes will help my siblings and others in the future.  Because this was a royal mess-up.

The Sound - The 1975