Scrubs

Another short post to sequester (my favorite new word) the previous one.  I've liked everything about her: the poise, the wit, the panache.  I just don't love it.  Eventually, you learn to silence the loneliness by keeping yourself occupied.  It's just another coping mechanism, I suppose.

Thank you, Scrubs for teaching me more lessons about life.  I've been re-watching the series for the past three weeks now, and it was a pleasant surprise.  Behind all the slapstick humor and ridiculous, over-the-top gags, there was a deeper, underlying meaning to the show, something unnoticeable until I surpassed the 2 decade-threshold.

Also, it seems that I've grown less and less tolerant of the inefficiency of others.  Being in my Senior year has reminded me that this will be my last Fall season as a student.  I can't waste time dawdling on someone else's ineptness.  Soon, I'll experience my last snow skirmish, my last useful implementation of snow boots, and my last day as a student, and eventually my first day in the real world.  I'm getting queasy just by the thought of it... yikes!

Gonna try out the FIFA 15 Demo later today, once I regain the services of my gamepad (keyboard bindings can't be tweaked... idiots).  So far, the Ignite engine looks phenomenal versus the current-gen models.  Now, to bolt off for an early dinner before a three-hour-long committee meeting for Malaysian Cultural Night.

Oh, and happy Mid-Autumn Festival.

My Favorite Faded Fantasy - 

Damien Rice

Past

You know what?  Forget trying to be optimistic.  Forget fooling yourself into thinking that it'll work.  A partnership involves BOTH parties to come to consensus.  Ignore timing.  Ignore the outliers.  Ignore the statistics.  Ignore the compatibility. 

It all boils down to a spur of the moment, gut feeling.  And that's what despises me the most, because I am ill-equipped for spontaneity.

It's been like this for four years.  I suppose I can wait a little longer.

Trees - Twenty One Pilots

Solve

Justin and I are back to being friends again (which happened some two, three weeks back).  So yay!  It's just that one big fight that derails things momentarily.  Back to cracking one-liners and exchanging banter; it feels great to regain a friend.

Anywho, Summer's coming close to an end.  Past the drama of the Malaysian Midwest Games 2014, the adventure of the ASM Conference 2014 at Boston, the hustle and bustle of Summer classes, the trials of having hyperthyroidism, the mind-bashing task of fleshing out an original drama script single-handedly, the spectacle of which is the Iowa State Fair and the impact of being an International Orientation Leader, it's been a crazier three months than anticipated.  Life just loves to throw in that late right hook to take you off-guard.

I'll just talk about the International Orientation, which happened from Monday to Wednesday, in separate sessions.  Besides the two-day crash course of a training session under the new ISSO Orientation Coordinator, Silas Pippitt (top-class bloke, just full of humor and passion), I felt under-prepared to serve as an orientation leader.  

This was by no comparison an equivalent of the Destination Iowa State (DIS) orientation; students coming into this orientation program know the bare minimum of things, and as such we orientation leaders must know almost every detail of things to the nine.  Things like dining options, course credits, document drop-offs, how to get around campus, and all that jazz are the few of many things I get asked.

Regardless, we team leaders (21 of us) handled the tasks given with aplomb.  At least, most of us did.  There were some people who were rather unprofessional.  To be blunt, I felt like an adult stuck with a bunch of kids for peers; some were just goofing around and did not properly represent Iowa State University as an established student in The States.  Over our post-orientation debriefing, I assumed the bearer of bad news and criticized the team for lacking these attributes.  We simply weren't good enough.

If there's one thing that I can take from my recent class of Speech Communication 212 (ridiculously fun class), your body language and word choices shape your audience's perception of you as a speaker.  Words like an abrupt "follow me" or "let's go" are reserved for lap dogs, and not for a dozen-or-so group of naive, clueless incoming students, with some not having English as a proficient language.  Some team leaders yanked their team by a leash, and I felt that injustice was given.  

Thankfully, the members present during our debriefing took the advice really well and learned from it.  At least, I would like to think so.  On that note, here are some pictures of my experience of being an ISSO Orientation Leader.

Snapchatted it

My group for Day Two (College of Design and Engineering).  Great peeps

Yeah.

Majority of the team leaders

So yeah, I'll leave it there.  Wow, my knees are about to drop from the three hours of futsal.  Whooop!

Re: Stacks - Bon Iver

Talk

Well, it's been a week already and things are starting to cool off.  No passive aggression from both sides, with about two sentences being the daily verbal quota.  It's progress, which is good.

Also, ISU got accepted to host the 3rd Annual AiSO Conference next Spring.  I'm super excited!

Chandelier (Four Tet Remix) - Sia

House

As Frank Underwood from "House of Cards" would say: "Friends makes the worst enemies".

I couldn't agree more.  I've done this bad habit two/three times already, and the recent one was my fault, to be fair.  But he goes to great lengths and brands me on social media, instead of coming to have an educated, and rational approach with me and talk things over.

I'll let you be the judge.  Here's the excerpt:

Him to Me:

would very much appreciated it if you could wash your dirty dishes. Your housemates need them for tonight's dinner. robbing 67% of all household cutleries is not cool.

Me: 

Washing them now

Since we're having this conversation, I would like to show you our drying rack. Notice the crusty things there? Those are opportunistic pathogens, capable of forming biofilms to increase its hardiness in adverse environments. Failure to drain habitats leads to increased proliferation of these microbes. Having utensils and cutlery placed face down is inviting a trip to the hospital and painful gastrointestinal disorders. I've been very tolerant, I only expect the same fair treatment.

Him:

Very enlightening. Tolerance is such a strong word to use considering what you have been doing for almost the past year (almost). Countless messages have been directed to me, you, george and vincent. All of us are doing our part independently. Also not washing the dishes invites pest carrying germs( which you pointed out earlier, thank you) like cockroaches to roam around our apartment. I figured you need to be encouraged and what other way to do it than online.

Me:

I can say the same thing to you.

Him:

Talking to you is like reading sarah palin's book, its utterly useless. I am ignoring you. You can tell me how much to pay for bills and all that. That is it.

Me:

You know, you're right. I'm sorry for lashing out at you. I'll be around the apartment and you can take however long you want to talk to me. I apologize, and that is simply it.

Honestly, I lied.  That wasn't an apology: it was a cease-fire.  There was no way that he would just resolve this rationally, and escalation will just fuel the fire.  Apologizing wasn't the right thing for me to do; it was the necessary thing for me to do to shut him up (and sway the audience).  

After that, I went to his room to apologize in a calm, rational manner.  What I expected was definitely quashed by reality.  Instead of a calm rational conversation, like an upset kid, he avoids eye contact and can't even justify his reasons ("I told you once and twice, now the third time will make you listen").  

Now, he's no angel himself.  Besides the contamination above, he's wasted electrical power (which comes out of my pocket, since I pay for it at first), he's wasted food (by improper storage), he's extremely loud while playing video games late at night, and it goes on.  As egocentric as it is, I know that I've done less and deserved more.  The reception doesn't equate the deeds, apparently.  

Goes without saying, you can never see the knife coming at such a close proximity.  I've grown to be a very tolerant person, taking a ridiculous amount of shit and bad things without breaking stride.  Doesn't mean that I am as unflinching as hurt.  

I'm starting to believe that I am a sociopath.  Forget the connections you can have, it simply takes someone with lower cognitive ability to muddle everything.  Brain over heart, logic over emotions.  Now, I'm just gonna vent my anger in declining productivity.

The worst part is how betrayed I feel.  That alone is enough pain to sever a heart out.

The Devil Is A Lie - Rick Ross and Jay-Z

Ward

After another normal soccer session with friends, I find myself the following morning having excessive weakness in my arms and calves, not being able to prop myself up nor to even crawl on all fours.

Now, this isn't the first time that this had happened: this was the fourth. Now the previous three just saw me sleeping it off, but this case drew the last straw. Thus with the help of Ban Joo, I paid the Thielen Student Health Center a visit. Of all the potential outcomes I have pictured, the chain of events that followed were no where near my expectations.

The doctor, Dr. Frischke, was perplexed with my symptoms. No pain, fever, tick bites nor night sweats; only weakness. After having blood tests and an EKG, I had critically low potassium levels (1.6 of the normal level 3.5). Now for a bit of biology: potassium channels in cell surfaces play a part in muscle activity. Low potassium leads to weakened muscles.

Fearing heart failure due to the low potassium, I had been rushed to the hospital for further testing. Now, this was my first time being admitted to the hospital, and to top it off I was sent via an ambulance due to my inability to walk. Jarod and Jim, the paramedics took good care of me and kept me comfortable for my quick drive to Mary Greeley Hospital.

There was a long series of tests once I was.admitted, including three more blood extractions (two venous blood and one arterial, which hurt like Hell), heartbeat monitors, periodical blood pressure checks, consuming some nasty concoction for my potassium deficiency (which tasted all too much like a jello shot) and some paperwork. In between, I snuck two naps as I had nothing else to do, resulting in two nurse wakey-uppies.

Once I was seen by the two doctors working on me, I was finally moved to my personal ward, which was very fancy. Apparently I was moved to the new wing, which looks much more like an apartment in Mont Kiara, with nice wooden flooring and square terrazo tiles in the restroom, with a wall-hung big screen TV and proper lighting matched by the air-conditioning.

The nurse who was part of my care team hooked me up on an IV (which also hurt a tad) to replenish my magnesium and potassium levels. Note, at this point, I was poked five times, in different regions in both my arms. Good thing I'm accustomed to blood donations. She also mentioned that I probably have Hypokalemic Periodic Paralysis, leading to a over-depletion of potassium. This was a rare disorder and no one in my family has this. Being a genetic disorder, this condition is a gut-wrenching reality.

I also donned an over-sized gown, touching my ankles and exposing my chest when I stand upright. As a precaution, I was (and currently am) strapped to a portable heart monitor, with many sticker-tags spreading from my left side across my heart, lungs, all the way to my right side. At this point I've gained all muscular functions again and can freely move about. The question is how long I can maintain the proper levels of potassium.

So now I'm stuck here overnight with a super comfy bed and a Season 3 recap marathon of Castle, and 7 buck meals for virtually a whole bunch of food. Now if only I can lay on my side without the EKG cables being uncomfortable or detach (could make someone assume I'm dead, which is a no-no).

I'll be consulting my doctor tomorrow on the nitty gritty stuff regarding my condition. Fingers crossed. Before I snooze, here are a couple of pics.





*update as of 3rd July*

I met with ANOTHER doctor (nextdoor to Mary Greeley) and they are pretty sure it's hyperthyroidism.  It is also noted that hyperthyroidism can lead to lowered potassium levels, which can cause hypokalemic periodic paralysis.  Upon another checkup by two endocrinologist, it was noted that my thyroid has swelled to three times the normal size.  Right now, I'm under medication to reduce my thyroid's activity and beta blockers to prevent heart failure (again, potassium is involved in muscle activity).  I've to avoid three weeks of vigorous activity (heartbroken) and not consume too much carbs, until the next follow-up appointment with the same endocrinologist.  Well, at least it isn't rare anymore.

posted from Bloggeroid

Sole

Everyone has friends to return to, the bunch of peers that they oftentimes interact with.  

Me?  I'm a drifter.  

I get along with most people, and join their group of friends for the occasion, whatever it may be.  I have no "default" group of friends, and thus I chill out with almost any given person.  

As a result, I have been stuck in the gray area of social circles, not too close of friends to mostly everyone, constantly remaining right outside everyone's loop.  

Everyone has friends to return to; I (unfortunately) don't.

He Used To Be - The Right Now