Moves

Yes, I'm writing this post because Jols asked me if I've posted anything recently.

Yes, I've dropped the ball a bit. I've taken less time to talk about my life and more time to alleviate whatever stresses/stressors I've in my life so far.

I've been trying to workout more often. Aside from the boring (and culinary pain) of phasing out my weekdays dinners for yoghurt, nuts and fruits, I've been trying to get some 30-minute blurps of cycling with my housemate's exercise bike (since I don't run as much).

Oddly enough (and I guess thanks to the trashy KSI v Logan Paul fight), I've been picking up boxing. Not partaking in the sport, though. I'm not fond of doing any combat sports. Just watching and appreciating the sport.

Aside from that, I'm learning to be more aware of my demeanour around others. Jols had called me out on a few occasions on my shit, and I am truly thankful for that, especially on my occasional hypocrisy and understanding consent better. Baby steps to being a better person.

Speaking of which, I'm extremely grateful to have her as a girlfriend. Having gone to church with her last weekend, it's a unique experience to revisiting Christianity, given how I've been burned by bad experiences with religion in the past. Not the fault of the religion, I must clarify. It's just a series of bad times I've had in the past.

But having to see the inner works of a person's world? That's a huge amount of trust to be... Entrusted upon (unintentional pun, sorry). I'm so grateful for her.

Work's been... Polarising. Having grown into a position of bigger influence at the workplace means double the work and twice the conflicts. Honestly, I don't know if I can handle another year here. But hey, if I do get a promotion, it might be good enough of a reason to stay.

I'm concerned for my recognition, KPI-wise, since I didn't get too much "initiatives" done in 2019, but I know I've done enough to warrant some consideration for a step up, especially since my colleague and boss had resigned a few months back. I'm now the most experienced person in the team. Time to leverage that advantage.

Also, I know didn't talk about grandma having suffered a stroke two years back, but having just seen the massive improvements she's made to her ability to speak full sentences via a phone conversation, it warms my heart. Currently in Ipoh for her birthday celebration. I'm gonna try and ignore the fact that my birthday comes around shortly after.

I guess this is a weird review of 26 year-old Fang as he grows a year older. I know I've made big improvements in the past year. Here's to making bigger moves in 2020.

Also, I love Magic the Gathering so much. I guess this is my Gunpla-equivalent phase for my twenties.

posted from Bloggeroid

Cheat

I just learned that one of my closest friends cheated on another good friend of mine. He cheated on her for ten months, according to her.

There was nothing I could've done about it. But I can be there for her now.

Believe victims.

I'll await until the dread finally settles in. Right now, I'm just numb.

posted from Bloggeroid

Sort

What's this? A double-post in a day? Yeah... I'm in Seremban for the day and the boredom is starting to set in. So I'm scouring through my drafts to post them.

This was from early June this year.



"It seems like you haven't found closure, yourself".

Honestly, I haven't really sat down to properly ruminate on that. While I think that I had lived my life without regrets, it seemed that I exhibited bitterness when I talked about "what if's".

So... Have I worked out my past issues and made peace with them? Some of them, yeah. As for the fringe cases, I don't know if I can ever do that. I'll just have to eventually come to terms with them. Until then, I'll do my best to not be over-encumbered by my past decisions.

I want to see the best in people, that when put in a tough situation, make the best decision, to the best of their knowledge at that given moment.

It might not be the nicest, or correct call, but that's the demand of pressure.

I might not agree with their choice, or their decision, but I cannot take away their thought process.

So why am I the exception to my own rule? Well, that's something I need to work on.

posted from Bloggeroid

Kiss

I couldn't explain it. My hand holding onto her face, the universe staring back through her eyes.

"I really want to kiss you right now", my voice ran deep, the weight of those words sinking to the pit of my stomach. I've never felt so exposed, in the unfamiliar setting of her apartment couch.

Her eyes never shifted. "You can, if you want to". She sounded calm, as if she pierced through my facade. My mind ran blank as I pulled my body towards hers, and our lips met.

For once, I knew I wasn't alone. For once, I was truly in love.

posted from Bloggeroid

Fixed

I made my first investment!

Finally! After 3+ years of hoarding it all in my savings account due to the fear paralysis.

All it took was a proper shakeabout, a personal finance workshop, and a bit of courage to kick my butt into doing something about growing my wealth.

Now, to build on it and learn up on other things I can invest my money in.

TLDR: once you have enough money to establish a parachute/emergency fund, go put it in some fund and not leave it to stagnate in your savings account with its paltry 0.2% interest rate.

posted from Bloggeroid

Sun

Wow... This was a year overdue... stuck in draft limbo. Welp, here it is!

My body shifted so slightly, as the slit of sunlight breaking through the window hits my face. I tried to move, but my body refused, reminding me of last night's roaming.

I gathered more strength and rolled onto my side, breathing a sigh of relief. I've never liked sleeping on my back, let alone in an unfamiliar setting of a backpacker's motel.

From across the room, my friend awakes, her frizzy hair and squinted eyes showing the lack of sleep we had. I remained in bed, reluctant to acknowledge the start of our day.

I'll need some time to get used to this, sharing a room with a girl, seeing her get ready for the day, fixing her hair, putting on makeup, packing up for the day, and of course, cheesy phone calls in the morning with the boyfriend.

This definitely doesn't ease any of her boyfriend's insecurities of me as her friend.

posted from Bloggeroid

Revise

Just a little reflection piece on the existence of this space.

You know, writing, and I guess, content creation as a whole, is hard. It's a commitment, and unfortunately, it takes up a lot of time and energy to do this!

And having subscribe to numerous YouTube channels and podcasts, I am beginning to see the amount of effort required, even from myself, to provide content. Because that's ultimately what this blog is about. Content.

This space has served so many purposes, from opinion pieces, to creative expression, to diary/journal entries, and it's the creator's dilemma on churning out content versus providing quality reads.

I feel as though I'm not providing enough content for this space, and that's frustrating. But on the flipside, it's because I'm making/implementing positive strides in my life that I don't need to turn to this space.

I guess all I'm saying is that I'm aware of this place, and that even though the audience is ultimately just going to comprise of me, that I'll work to provide better content.

I'll also need to dig up a bunch of drafts I've left behind so... Watch this space!

posted from Bloggeroid