COVID-19

I never thought I'd have to live through a global pandemic.

It's been four months since a novel strain of Coronavirus popped out of Wuhan, China.  In between, a new Malaysian backdoor government (I'll call it for what it is) usurped the previous Pakatan Harapan administration to install the crooks and the corrupted back in power.  All without a single vote.  And out of spite, I hope their reign is only remembered through this COVID-19 crisis, and their ineptitude in handling it (Dr. Dzul under the PH government led the country's healthcare system admirably to mitigate the COVID-19 spread).

It's 10 pm now.  I've set up a mini-Command center in my Klang rental house, with a live stream of Astro Awani playing in the background.  The new PM is about to give a live press conference, hinting at a possible nationwide lockdown as the pandemic spreads further throughout the globe.

Italy has been hit hard recently, with around 1500 deaths daily.  The US, under abhorrent leadership, has lost the confidence of many people.  China's fudging the numbers of how severe it is on their home soil, adding to the doubt cast upon it's government in handling the disease.

I went through Giant Bukit Tinggi, and two 99 Speedmarts already.  All packed.  Some shelves have been cleared out.  I got some non-perishable food, hoping that maybe I won't need them.  It wouldn't last past ten days, anyway.  I had little space in my bags nor was I willing to stay out in crowded areas.

I've set up a bug out kit of sorts, ready to fuck back off to PJ to my parents in five minutes.  It's getting dicey.

Maybe I'm paranoid, but it's getting terrifying out there.

The new PM is currently live.  He has announced "controlled movement" from 18th to 31st March.  It's real.  Fucking hell, this is awful.

If you're reading this, friend, family, whoever, I love you.  I hope we can survive this.  

Moves

Yes, I'm writing this post because Jols asked me if I've posted anything recently.

Yes, I've dropped the ball a bit. I've taken less time to talk about my life and more time to alleviate whatever stresses/stressors I've in my life so far.

I've been trying to workout more often. Aside from the boring (and culinary pain) of phasing out my weekdays dinners for yoghurt, nuts and fruits, I've been trying to get some 30-minute blurps of cycling with my housemate's exercise bike (since I don't run as much).

Oddly enough (and I guess thanks to the trashy KSI v Logan Paul fight), I've been picking up boxing. Not partaking in the sport, though. I'm not fond of doing any combat sports. Just watching and appreciating the sport.

Aside from that, I'm learning to be more aware of my demeanour around others. Jols had called me out on a few occasions on my shit, and I am truly thankful for that, especially on my occasional hypocrisy and understanding consent better. Baby steps to being a better person.

Speaking of which, I'm extremely grateful to have her as a girlfriend. Having gone to church with her last weekend, it's a unique experience to revisiting Christianity, given how I've been burned by bad experiences with religion in the past. Not the fault of the religion, I must clarify. It's just a series of bad times I've had in the past.

But having to see the inner works of a person's world? That's a huge amount of trust to be... Entrusted upon (unintentional pun, sorry). I'm so grateful for her.

Work's been... Polarising. Having grown into a position of bigger influence at the workplace means double the work and twice the conflicts. Honestly, I don't know if I can handle another year here. But hey, if I do get a promotion, it might be good enough of a reason to stay.

I'm concerned for my recognition, KPI-wise, since I didn't get too much "initiatives" done in 2019, but I know I've done enough to warrant some consideration for a step up, especially since my colleague and boss had resigned a few months back. I'm now the most experienced person in the team. Time to leverage that advantage.

Also, I know didn't talk about grandma having suffered a stroke two years back, but having just seen the massive improvements she's made to her ability to speak full sentences via a phone conversation, it warms my heart. Currently in Ipoh for her birthday celebration. I'm gonna try and ignore the fact that my birthday comes around shortly after.

I guess this is a weird review of 26 year-old Fang as he grows a year older. I know I've made big improvements in the past year. Here's to making bigger moves in 2020.

Also, I love Magic the Gathering so much. I guess this is my Gunpla-equivalent phase for my twenties.

posted from Bloggeroid

Cheat

I just learned that one of my closest friends cheated on another good friend of mine. He cheated on her for ten months, according to her.

There was nothing I could've done about it. But I can be there for her now.

Believe victims.

I'll await until the dread finally settles in. Right now, I'm just numb.

posted from Bloggeroid

Sort

What's this? A double-post in a day? Yeah... I'm in Seremban for the day and the boredom is starting to set in. So I'm scouring through my drafts to post them.

This was from early June this year.



"It seems like you haven't found closure, yourself".

Honestly, I haven't really sat down to properly ruminate on that. While I think that I had lived my life without regrets, it seemed that I exhibited bitterness when I talked about "what if's".

So... Have I worked out my past issues and made peace with them? Some of them, yeah. As for the fringe cases, I don't know if I can ever do that. I'll just have to eventually come to terms with them. Until then, I'll do my best to not be over-encumbered by my past decisions.

I want to see the best in people, that when put in a tough situation, make the best decision, to the best of their knowledge at that given moment.

It might not be the nicest, or correct call, but that's the demand of pressure.

I might not agree with their choice, or their decision, but I cannot take away their thought process.

So why am I the exception to my own rule? Well, that's something I need to work on.

posted from Bloggeroid

Kiss

I couldn't explain it. My hand holding onto her face, the universe staring back through her eyes.

"I really want to kiss you right now", my voice ran deep, the weight of those words sinking to the pit of my stomach. I've never felt so exposed, in the unfamiliar setting of her apartment couch.

Her eyes never shifted. "You can, if you want to". She sounded calm, as if she pierced through my facade. My mind ran blank as I pulled my body towards hers, and our lips met.

For once, I knew I wasn't alone. For once, I was truly in love.

posted from Bloggeroid

Fixed

I made my first investment!

Finally! After 3+ years of hoarding it all in my savings account due to the fear paralysis.

All it took was a proper shakeabout, a personal finance workshop, and a bit of courage to kick my butt into doing something about growing my wealth.

Now, to build on it and learn up on other things I can invest my money in.

TLDR: once you have enough money to establish a parachute/emergency fund, go put it in some fund and not leave it to stagnate in your savings account with its paltry 0.2% interest rate.

posted from Bloggeroid

Sun

Wow... This was a year overdue... stuck in draft limbo. Welp, here it is!

My body shifted so slightly, as the slit of sunlight breaking through the window hits my face. I tried to move, but my body refused, reminding me of last night's roaming.

I gathered more strength and rolled onto my side, breathing a sigh of relief. I've never liked sleeping on my back, let alone in an unfamiliar setting of a backpacker's motel.

From across the room, my friend awakes, her frizzy hair and squinted eyes showing the lack of sleep we had. I remained in bed, reluctant to acknowledge the start of our day.

I'll need some time to get used to this, sharing a room with a girl, seeing her get ready for the day, fixing her hair, putting on makeup, packing up for the day, and of course, cheesy phone calls in the morning with the boyfriend.

This definitely doesn't ease any of her boyfriend's insecurities of me as her friend.

posted from Bloggeroid