Introspective

So I lazed around the entire day, whilst totally scrapping any notion of studying tonight as I'm having my mental mood-swings again.

Today my roommate brought his girlfriend back to the room to watch a movie and I was totally okay with that.  Well...  I hardly am able to understand why I'm writing this post, but it's mostly regarding how today was a large self-examining session for me.

Firstly I took the now-familiar mile-long walk back to the dorms from the dining center, as my usual companion is away at Chicago for a debate session.  Being me, I easily get melancholic and starting thinking about things back home.  What I missed, and what I still am missing.  I thought about my grandfather again, and it all just floods back in.  Heck, I'm tearing up now.  It's a good thing my roommate left me alone for this.  Also I think about who I cared for, and how that has seemingly changed.

I returned to the room with Dan lying on his futon with Freyja.  I've longed felt a tinge of jealousy on how he has such a nice life.  But then again, my personal life sucks.  Not that I can do much about it.  But sitting at my study desk browsing YouTube for The Walking Dead: The Video Game "episodes", while just a few feet from me situated this couple with great understanding, passion, and respect, one does feel lonely.  In all respect, Dan is horrible with horror movies, yet Freyja accompanied him as they watched Scream 2 (of which they said was a letdown on all accounts).  I guess I was extremely jealous on the fact that he has such a wonderful person who cares for him, and that I've yet to have that moment with someone.

The ever-depressing end to The Walking Dead episode catalyzed this emotions.  Now to read that Wikipedia entry regarding Melancholic Depression.  Please quell this paranoia...

Lonely Nights - Bryan Adams