Departure

Had a nice time last night with Joyce, Sunshine, Atia and Sabr at Plan b.  Food was not bad and we had a great time chatting.  I think I kinda burned out that night, as I was mainly quiet.  But it was nice.

Then I got my last equipment(s) from Roger and we FIFA-d again.  Seems that I'm good at playing Premier League teams against him, as the track record stands at a 100% win streak when I'm using a BPL team.  And then, I got thumped back to back for 4 games with anonymous clubs.

Got back at 4.30 am and crashed on the bed, thinking that it'll be my last night here in Malaysia.  Many people ask: "How do you feel about leaving?".  Well, I feel everything and nothing at the same time: pain, joy, sadness, excitement, fear, determination, etc.  

For me the feeling only started seeping in about a week ago.  All this while I thought: "Oh, I'm a quiet guy.  With no high regards made by my peers and friends.  Just a simple guy living his life and pursuing his dream.".  Then I got to attend and organize sooo many social events, and finally learn that I meant so much more to everyone than I value myself.  That perhaps I'm just stuck in this modest and low-self esteem state that I act as though I'm inferior to others.  But through the past few weeks, I got to know that I did matter to people; that somehow, I've inspired them and influenced them in a particular degree; that maybe I'm worthwhile.  I don't know; it sounds confusing, eh?  But I feel so stupid to not notice that I was loved and cared for so much all this time, and I took it for granted.  And it's like I want to cry everyday, but just can't find the time to do so.

I'll be leaving for the airport in 8 hours time.  Sigh

It's riveting.  I think that word properly justifies the position I'm in.  Just...  riveting.

Ready To Start - Arcade Fire