Comparison

I want to address what happened last night. It was no one's fault. Heck, I bawled my eyes out for a record-breaking 30 minutes. I didn't say it had been a pretty-looking catharsis. That was me, tossing and turning from being overwhelmed by many things.

First, I've just started coming to terms that I'm saying goodbyes to my friends, realizing that I'll be halfway across the world, and I might never see them again.

Second, I've been struggling with love, or whatever than means. I have not fallen this much for someone before, and I still can't call her my own, because she doesn't feel the same way. I don't know what love means (when it comes to a partner), because I've never felt it from someone else, outside of my family and close friends.

Thirdly, I miss my family. I have been away for so long that my baby cousins have grown to be toddlers, that toddlers are now in school learning basic information. I missed all of that, being there to tell everyone how I feel.

And lastly, I've been foolishly drawing comparisons to the world. As such, I was always selling myself short, rating myself unworthy, unsatisfactory, not good enough.

Perhaps that's why I can't find love. Because I don't fully love myself. Yeah. That sounds logical.

On another note, I had my unofficial testimonial football match today with the Malaysians. Didn't play my best, but it was definitely a great day. Plus, I think I might have a groin strain from all the lung-busting running. That's a good thing.

Here's the pic.

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