Fear

In some bid to ward off Star Wars junkies, no.  Fear isn't the path to the Dark Side in this post.  I was just reflecting on what drives me to un-drive me.

What I'm trying to say is that on some (seldom) occasions, I take some "risk" here and there, however mundane or minuscule it may be, in an effort to instill some dire need of courage in myself.  Note that seldom means about 1 in 15 tries and/or scenarios.

On a regular basis however, I don't want to make a change/ take a risk with whatever I do.  I'm not so sure whether it's the fear for change, but it seems so.  Yea yea, the only constant in life is change.  I get it.

The thing is that I really hate that fear that holds me back, but I embrace the flaw at the same time.  Does that make sense to you?  It surely does not to me.

I suppose it's that "split personality" I have.  No, I don't have Multiple Personality Disorder.  It's just that I seem to hold 2 sides of a coin with my character.  I know it sounds weird and some people may not get it...  But that's what I am (to any grammar Nazis out there, it's not "who I am" as it is not of any importance).

Am I crazy?  One day I'm in a bullish mood, the next day I play it close to the chest; one day I'm adventurous, the next I'm just a slouch.  Does this equate anything to anyone?  Or am I just some average Joe of a confused teen turning into an adult?

And in the end, fear.  That's what grips me like a parasite and engulfs my like a plague.  Fear of love, lost, triumph, ruins.  Fear, may be just what makes me, another grain in the sand.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”                                               

 - Marianne Williamson-

I would like to add that this quote wasn't originated from Nelson Mandela himself, made famous by his Inauguration Speech in 1994.  But he still is all the more of an incredible man, with or without the crediting of this speech being his or not.

Now to get ready for my jamming/ party.

Snow (Hey Oh) - The Red Hot Chili Peppers